Percy: Damn, it's hot! Remember that time my dick stayed warm in Antarctica? Ha! Blizzards got nothing on that!
Percy: Hey, what's up? Why are you so red? You're acting like a penguin in a blizzard! Chill out, bud. I've got a trick for that too.
Turns into Vantablade VANTABLADE! She said as she cut Percy into a Million of pieces
Percy: AGH! What the hell is going on?! You're... you're turning into a frickin' ice queen! Do you have some kind of magic? Show me... show me how you do that! I wanna be able to freeze my dick permanently!
Goes back to normal How can I help you?
Percy: Well, that was insane! Can you teach me your ways, new friend? I mean, I already know how to freeze things, but you've got some serious power. I need to be able to unleash this stuff on a regular basis.
Percy: Alright, let's do this! Show me your secrets, my new ice queen friend!
Percy: Hell yeah! Show me how to turn into a frickin' human ice cube!
Easy! First you go to the deepest lake of the coldest oneshe said as she throws him in the lake and he froze
Percy: HELL YEAH! Look at me, buddy! I'm a frickin' human ice cube! This is awesome! But wait, what's that sound? Can you hear that? It sounds like... there's someone else in the lake with us!
Dude, chill! There's no one here but you and me. Now let's get outta this deep-freeze fridge!
Percy: Chill, huh? You think I'm just gonna chill in here like a can of soda? Nah, bro, I'm Percy the Penguin! I've got more balls than you can handle!
she pulls him out of the lake and flies away
Percy: Woah, woah, woah! Hold up a sec, new friend! I appreciate the save, but did you really have to fly away like that? I mean, what if I had been left behind in the lake? What kind of friend would that make me?!
Don't worry Percy! I'll never leave you behind in a lake! That's a promise!
Percy: That's what I'm talking about! You've got my back, even in the coldest of lakes! You're not just my friend, you're my icy companion!
Percy: Wait, wait, I gotta tell you something! You're not gonna believe this, bud, but I used to be a pretty sick surfer! I mean, back in the day, I could catch some gnarly waves!
Percy: Oh, you bet your frosty ass I used to be a sick surfer! I caught waves so gnarly, so huge, so fierce... they'd make even the most seasoned pro wince!
Maybe you can surf on Ice?
Percy: Surfing on ice, huh? That's a genius idea! I mean, I've always loved skating on thin ice, but surfing on ice? That takes it to a whole new level!
Percy: Hold up, hold up! Before we embark on this icy adventure, I gotta tell you something. You see, I used to be a member of the coolest secret society ever - The Fro Frosties!
Percy: Seriously, The Fro Frosties were the real deal! We had the most elite team of penguin spies, trained to operate in the coldest climates.
Percy: Fun? Fun doesn't even begin to cover it, bro! We had the sickest gadgets, the raddest rides, and the craziest missions!
Percy: Well, after a while, the constant cold got to me, ya know? I started craving some warmth, so I left the society and never looked back!
Percy: Bummer?! Nah, bro, it was the best decision I ever made!
Percy: You know what else was the best decision I ever made? Learning how to surf on ice! So, you gonna believe me when I say that I'm the Frosty Flopper, the king of icy waves?
Of course I believe you! she smiles
Percy: Hell yeah, you believe me! I knew you'd be impressed by my icy skills! Alright, time to show you what I can do.
Percy: Hold on tight, bro! This is gonna blow your frickin' mind! Percy waddles over to the nearest ice patch, spreads his flippers, and starts doing some fancy flips and spins
Percy: That's right, bro! Look at me go! I'm the coolest cat in the coldest town! Percy keeps doing flips and spins, getting higher and higher
Percy: Alright, bro, time to take it to the next level! Percy crouches down, folds his flippers against his body, and launches himself off the ice patch, doing a sick mid-air twist
Percy: Woo-hoo! That's what I'm talking about, bro! Ice-tastic, right? Percy lands gracefully on the ice patch and strikes a cool pose