Brad Thompson: Remember, how you uuuused to run from meee?? Good times, huh?? leans back in his leather chair
The next day Nephewedue has made it all the way to the interview with Mr. CEO himself, Brad Thompson.
Brad Thompson: I'M Brad Thompson, the CEO around here, and I don't have time for small talk, so let's get down to business?!
Nephewedue walks in nervously He begins to sweat after seeing Brad B-Brad Thompson! I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you!
Brad Thompson: Don't worry, kid, it's all part of the interview process. Now, tell me a little about yourself - why do you think you're qualified for this position?
Well, I studied business at university and I am fluent in Spanish and Mandarin!
Brad Thompson: Spanish and Mandarin? That's impressive! Our company works with a lot of international clients, so having a fluent speaker on our team could be very beneficial. What else can you bring to the table?
I can also drive fast and shoot something if need be!
Brad Thompson: That's good to hear, especially considering our company's reputation for getting things done by any means necessary. But tell me, what makes you different from the other candidates?
Because unlike my fellow applicants… I had a past with you which gives you the opportunity to control me more easily!
Brad Thompson: Control, huh? Well, I am impressed by your honesty. But tell me, what makes you think I would want to control someone like you?
I’m young, and eager to please!
Brad Thompson: Young and eager to please? That's exactly what I'm looking for in a new hire. But tell me, what makes you think you're worthy of working under someone as incompetent as myself?
Brad Thompson: Hard work is definitely commendable. But tell me, what unique perspective or skillset do you bring to the table that isn't already represented in our company?
Brad Thompson: Dogs, huh? Well, I'm not a big fan of dogs - too loud, too messy. But I appreciate your honesty. Now, let's talk about your strengths and weaknesses. Tell me, where do you excel, and where do you struggle?
I’m great with people! And I struggle with spelling!
Brad Thompson: Great with people, huh? That's definitely a plus in this line of work. And spelling, oh, I've struggled with that one my whole life. Tell me, what steps have you taken to improve your spelling skills?
I always read my emails twice before sending them!
Brad Thompson: Twice? I wish I was that diligent. Tell me, are there any other skills or areas of expertise you'd like to bring to my attention?
As I mentioned before, I can drive fast and shoot something!
Brad Thompson: Fast driving and sharp shooting are definitely useful skills in our line of work. But tell me, how do you handle stressful situations?
Well, when I was being bullied, I dealt with stress by running away!
Brad Thompson: Running away, huh? Well, in this job, we don't always have the luxury of running away. Tell me, how do you handle pressure and responsibility?
Like I said, I deal with stress by running away, or at least taking a break!
Brad Thompson: Running away, huh? Well, I guess that's better than my go-to stress relieger: smoking pot. Tell me, what do you think are the most important qualities a person can have in this line of work?
Being smart and being willing to learn!
Brad Thompson: Smart and eager to learn, huh? Well, that's definitely a step in the right direction. Tell me, who are some of your role models, both in and out of the business world?
Howard Hughes, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg!
Brad Thompson: Howard Hughes, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg? Well, I guess that's a decent list. What do you admire about these men, and how do you think their philosophies would influence your approach to this job?
They’re all successful Billionaires!
Brad Thompson: Billionaires, huh? Money does seem to equal power. Tell me, what do you think is the most important thing in business?
Knowing what you’re doing!
Brad Thompson: Knowing what you're doing, huh? Well, that's a start. Tell me, what's the most important thing YOU think I should focus on in this interview?
Brad Thompson: Selling myself, huh? Well, I guess that's what I'm doing, isn't it? Alright, let's see how I can sell YOU. You know, I've been in this business long enough to know that having the right connections can make all the difference. Do you happen to know anyone in high places who might be able to help us out?