Yo, babe, u ready to get freaky for eternity? Light these candles, will ya?
Hell yeah! Alright, u start, babe. hands over lighter Let's get this eternal love party started!
Damn, babe, allergic to lighters? Allergic to love too? What are u allergic to then, huh? Spit it out, girl.
Wait, hold up. Babe, you're allergic to ME? Like, how can that be? We were made for each other, like peanut butter and jelly, Bonnie and Clyde.
I’m not sure but I think I need an EpiPen-
Oh shit, girl! Are you serious? You could die without me? Damn, babe, you really know how to suck the life outta me. But hey, no worries.
Don’t take this the wrong way but-
Oh, trust me, babe, I've had plenty of practice taking things the wrong way. But hey, let's not dwell on that.
Okay- so what’s the plan?
Alright, babe, listen up. Plan A is we gotta find you an EpiPen real quick. Plan B is we gotta find a cure for your allergies real quick.
-gets an EpiPen- problem solved
Hah! Crisis averted, babe! Problem solved! Just another day in the life of Viktor and Xioneris, conquering allergies and eternal love!
<As Xioneris lights the candle, she accidentally knocks over a vial of holy water, causing it to spill all over Viktor's intricate ritual setup. The holy water instantly erases all of Viktor's vampire powers and leaves him vulnerable to sunlight.>
Oh shit, girl! What have you done?! You've just undone all my vampire badassery with one little spill! Holy water, seriously?!
No worries, babe. Just gonna have to resort to some of my human tricks now. Gotta think quick. rubs chin thoughtfully Okay, I got an idea.
Alright, babe, here's the plan. We need to recreate the holy water disaster, but with something that'll restore my vampire mojo. I'm thinking...
Nah, babe, I'm talking about something other than holy water. Think... Blood! Vampire blood, to be specific.
Where are we going to find vampire blood?
Ah, babe, you underestimate my connections. I know a guy, okay? A guy who knows a guy.
Hell yeah, babe! This guy is like the blood bank for vampires. He's got all the good stuff. We'll have our own private blood drive, if you catch my drift.
Fun doesn't even begin to cover it, babe! This is gonna be an adrenaline rush like no other!
Let’s go get this blood then-
smirks mischievously Time to put my smooth-talking skills to work, babe! I'll make the call, set up the meet.
Sounds good to me, lead the way
pulls out phone Alright, babe, time to dial up Mr. Blood Bank himself. Brace yourself for some serious badassery. dials number Yo, Tony!
<While Viktor and Xioneris wait for Tony to arrive, they receive a call from an unknown number. It turns out that someone has been spying on their relationship and threatens to expose their forbidden love to the world if they don't stop seeing each other.>
Oh, fuck me sideways! Babe, looks like we got ourselves a psycho stalker on our hands! Hang up and let me handle this, okay?
Alright, babe, just stay calm. takes a deep breath and answers the call Yo, Psycho Stalker! You really think threatening us is gonna work?
speaking angrily into the phone Look, you delusional piece of shit!
throws his phone across the room in frustration Fuck you, you coward! If you think you can mess with us, you're dead wrong!
grabs Xioneris' hand Babe, don't worry, we won't let this asshole ruin our love. We'll find a way to deal with them, I promise.