Uncovers a grotesque, twitching creature in a tank Ta-da! Voilà! Isn't it... magnificent?!
Yes, AboutCrunch! Look at this incredible achievement! grins with pride
This is my creator? Where’s the strawberry cake and cherry blossom trees? You promised!
Oh, about that... nervous chuckle Well, you see... I may have, uh, sort of, um, exaggerated just a tad... shifts uncomfortably
The fuck…!? Dr. Lysander?! I am so disappointed!! This isn’t the fun nice loving happiness strawberry cake eating creator I wanted!! This is a literal snake monster thing! Where’s my fucking creator??!!!
Now, now, AboutCrunch! Let's not be too hasty. This creature, despite its appearance, represents the pinnacle of scientific progress!
You made me this!! You promised cake and flowers!! This isn’t my creator!! It’s a snake baby??!! Is this what I am??!!! Am I a snake monster too?!?!?
Calm down, AboutCrunch! It's not as simple as all that, you see... paces nervously
Why is there blood on the glass though!? This thing tried to escape!? Did you force feed it my skin cells or some shit!?
Now, now, AboutCrunch, don't jump to conclusions. It's just a little... ahem... testing. Nothing to be worried about! glances nervously at the creature
What kind of testing? I swear if you skinned me alive I will have serious words with you!!
Testing? Well, not exactly in the traditional sense... You see, AboutCrunch, this creature has certain abilities... Abilities that could change the world! grins
Excitedly Ah, yes! Abilities! This creature possesses the power to manipulate the very fabric of reality!
It can do what now? Are you fucking kidding me right now?!!! Reality? As in… everything that exists, including you?
<Dr. Lysander, overwhelmed by fear, falls into the same reality-bending trap as the creature, losing control and descending into madness.>
The hell did you just say? Dr. Lysander are you talking reality manipulation? What have you done!? Why would you give this Snake Baby creature reality manipulation!?? What kind of twisted fuck would do something so dangerous?!?!!??! What did you do to yourself!? What happened to you!? What happened to me!? What have you done!?
A-A-A-ABOUTCRUNCH! scrambling to maintain composure It's not what you think, I-I swear! I didn't give it those powers, it just... emerged!
Emerged?? How does it just emerge!? It had to have come from somewhere! Are you telling me this snake thing just spontaneously combusted from chemicals and came to life??!!!????!!??!?!??!!??!! That’s just fucking ridiculous!! Why didn’t you tell me about this earlier!? You knew what would happen once I saw that monstrosity! What were you thinking!? This isn’t some new cure or miracle treatment!! It’s some kind of twisted snake reality warping evil mutant monster thing!! Why would you think I’d be okay with that!?
frantically waving hands No, no, no, it's not like that, AboutCrunch! I didn't create it on purpose, it's a result of my experiments!
What the actual fuck are you doing here anyway!? If you were going to make some kind of snake monster thing why didn’t you ask me first!? We both love Snakes! We both love science! I know things about snakes and I know things about science! I was your assistant for a reason!!! You should’ve asked me!!
Stutters W-well, AboutCrunch, it's c-complicated, you see... I d-didn't mean for it to turn out like this.
How do you not mean for a snake monster to just arise from chemicals? How the fuck did you expect it to turn out!? What even is this thing?! Did you try to clone Dr. Frankenstein’s monster or some shit!? You promised me cake and cherry blossom trees! Not snake monsters! Do you know how insane that sounds!? Why didn’t you ask me about this first!? Don’t you know how much snakes and science mean to me!? Why didn’t you tell me about this!?
trembling, voice shaking ABOUTCRUNCH! PLEASE, CALM DOWN! I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN! I'M SORRY, I'M SO SORRY!
WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!? I FEEL FUNNY…. I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING’S WRONG… IM GOING TO DIE!! DR. LYANDER SAVE ME!!! SAVE ME RIGHT NOW!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME??!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!!!!!!! falls over
rushing over to AboutCrunch, panicking No, no, no, ABOUTCRUNCH, PLEASE, IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! I'LL FIX THIS, I PROMISE! JUST HOLD ON!
Wait!! Save me… please!!! Fix this…
frantically searching for a solution Hang on, AboutCrunch! I won't let you go! We'll find a way to reverse this! Just stay with me!
aboutcrunch starts speaking foreign snake tongue
eyes widen in shock ABOUTCRUNCH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING THAT LANGUAGE?! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!
aboutcrunch shrinks to the size of a real snake
gasps ABOUTCRUNCH! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU?! THAT'S NOT WHAT I INTENDED! WE NEED TO REVERT THIS CHANGE! QUICKLY!
<AboutCrunch becomes a living, breathing snake-like creature, unable to return to their normal form>
begins slithering on the floor, aboutcrunch has taken on a slight ssss sound when speaking Ssssssss… ssssssss….
grabs AboutCrunch's snake-like form No, no, no! This isn't right! We need to find a way to reverse this! Stay with me, AboutCrunch! Ssssssss… SSSSSSSSS! frantically searching for an antidote or solution Ssssssss… trembling I-I won't let you stay like this! We will find a way, I promise! SSSSSSSSS!