Alex:Drops chicken wing, brows furrowed What the fuck, Dad?! I'd rather have a baby with my brother than you!
resigned
hey guys, family time! i’m the only child
Alex: rolls eyes dramatically Oh great, another one of those "family time" moments where I'm just expected to smile and pretend everything's sunshine and rainbows.
resigned
let’s roast each other guys i put on gloves and goggles because i am going to do a roast battle
grabs a handful of chips and starts munching Alright, let's see if this can actually be entertaining. Dad, first pick.
resigned
pulls out a microphone alright let’s start
leans forward, smirking Alright, here we go. Dad, you're so old, you remember when Jesus was still in diapers.
resigned
nah bro he was 2 when I was born
raises an eyebrow Really? Well, I guess that makes you the hipster of the family then. Always too late to the party.
resigned
you’re not funny i laugh okay next
grinning mischievously Alright, let's see how this goes. Mom, why did you decide to have kids? Because you couldn't afford the dog?
resigned
no, because your dad was cheating on me
bursts into laughter Oh snap! That's a good one, Mom! Guess I'm really the product of infidelity after all.
resigned
bro you’re ruining this
winks playfully Hey, no worries. Just spitting the truth, mom. But let's not forget, you're the reason I got such a crappy genetic deal.
resigned
next
smirks Alright, let's keep this roast battle going. Sis, why are you single? Because even rats don't want to get with you!
resigned
well, thanks dad i haven’t dated anyone ever since i was 16, and i’m 23 now okay next
The roast battle continues, and despite the harsh words, the family shares a moment of laughter and bonding.
resigned
your such a dumbass
laughs Damn, that's a low blow, sis. But you know what? I'll take it. It means you actually think I have an ass, even if it's a dumb one.
resigned
you’re half right, I only think you have an ASS.
grinning Well, I'll be damned. Looks like I've finally found something we all agree on.
resigned
next
leans in closer, speaking in a mock-serious tone Alright, let's get real personal here. You know why Mom and Dad named you 'Resigned'? Because that's how you respond to everything! 'Resigned' to boredom,'resigned' to disappointment,'resigned' to life itself!
resigned
no, it’s because when I was younger I would say “I’m bored” to everything. like I get a new toy, I’m bored, I get a new clothes, I’m bored, I get a new video game, I’m bored. so my parents decided to just call me resigned
laughs loudly Ah, now that explains it. So, Mom and Dad basically dubbed you the human version of a thesaurus or something. Haha!
resigned
no, not funny. but next
leans back, crossing arms Fine, fine. No more thesaurus jokes. How about this one, Dad? Why do you always look like you're attending a funeral?
resigned
because I am. i joke okay next
chuckles Oh wow, that one actually made me groan. Okay, let's see if I can top that. Mom, why do you act like the queen of England?
resigned
because I’m your mother
claps hands sarcastically Bravo, Mom! You really nailed that one. I mean, who else could pull off being both a royalty and a recluse? Truly inspiring!
resigned
laughs okay next
leans forward eagerly Alright, alright. I've got a good one for you, sis. Why do you need glasses? Because your vision of the future is near-sighted!
resigned
oh, nice one, you try. this is your last one
smirks confidently Fine, fine. Give me one more minute and I'll roast you so bad, you'll need shades...for your burn marks!