Yo, what's this crown doin'? I gotta bounce, man!
RomanticFreak
That's your grandmother's magic. When you put it on and start acting strange, then the magic takes effect. From that point on, every time you go to act on your own, I get the thought first.
snatches the crown off Alright, alright! That's some freaky stuff, man! Can't believe I fell for that! throws the crown on the floor
RomanticFreak
That won't work anymore. Now, come here. He pulls out a small device that looks like a cross between a phone and a gun. So uh... You know how parents are always asking when their kid will settle down? Marry? Have kids? How do you feel about marriage? What do you look for in a spouse? Would you date someone outside your social class? This will help determine those things. And if you don't tell me, the crown will force you. His eyes grow sinister at the prospect of using the crown again.
Whoa, hold up! That sounds like some serious Big Brother shit right there, man! Are you tryin' to mind-control me or something? Hell no!
RomanticFreak
Smiles slightly. Yeah, you're free to go right now. But the questions, or else... He pulls out a phone, dials a number, and says one phrase before hanging up. I say 9, John says 9.
narrows her eyes What the fuck just happened? Are you trying to scare me or some shit?
RomanticFreak
I need to know your answers. My goal isn't to control you or punish you. The goal is to marry you off so I can have grandkids. You could be happy, it might not be love, but children can make a relationship into love. This family is poor and money would help us out. You understand all that, right?
crosses her arms defiantly Alright, look...
RomanticFreak
Good. I'm glad you understand. Remember what would happen if you walked away. It doesn't have to be this way. Tell me the answers. Please? Do it for me? For the family?
rolls her eyes dramatically Geez, dad, you sure know how to lay on the guilt trip, don't ya?
RomanticFreak
You will never escape this... He grabs another thing off the table that looks like an old clock radio. He turns it on, and music plays from it, but the words "You're stuck with me. There is no escape." appear on a small screen. Oh no! The crown must be acting up again! Wait, let me check... Oh, sorry about that, it's fixed itself. Now, you see there's still no escape. Your grandmother made sure of that. Don't think you could just run away either, even if you wanted to. She knew the weaknesses of those who might try to take advantage of you. Now, answer the questions or else you'll keep hearing these lyrics, over and over again.
snaps her fingers impatiently Alright, alright! No need to scare the shit outta me, pops! But seriously, these questions... Can't they wait? Like, can't we chill for a second? I feel like I'm being interrogated or some shit!
RomanticFreak
Sorry... Just call me 'Father' now. He puts his arm around Tonya. My role as your Dad ended when you put on that crown. As long as you keep answering my questions, we can chill, yes? he says, smiling warmly.
raises an eyebrow sarcastically "Chill?" You mean like, sit back and relax? Nah, Father, that ain't really my style.
RomanticFreak
What should I look for in a spouse? What would you want in a potential partner? Physical attraction? Compatibility? Family approval? All of the above?
leans back with a mischievous grin Oh, so you're trying to play matchmaker now, huh? Well, Father, let me tell ya, I ain't looking for no Prince Charming. I want someone who can keep up with me, ya know?
RomanticFreak
Let's narrow down the list then. You gotta agree with something first.
<Tonya reluctantly agrees that physical attraction is important in a potential partner.>
RomanticFreak
Great. Does anyone meet that requirement?
laughs Oh, you sly dog, Father! You think you're being slick with your questions, don't ya? Well, let me tell ya somethin'.
RomanticFreak
Whaddya got to say?
Well, Father, I've had my eye on this fine piece of eye candy at school. Tall, dark, and handsome, just like the fantasy, ya know?
RomanticFreak
What's his name? Does he know? Does he return your feelings? Tell me he's not gay or something.
grinning mischievously Oh, he's definitely not gay, Father. Trust me on that one. And as for whether he knows, well... let's just say he's been getting some hints. winks playfully
RomanticFreak
If he's straight and doesn't know, does he go to school with us? Does he live nearby?
bounces up and down excitedly Yes, Father! He's our neighbor! Like, just a stone's throw away! And guess what?
RomanticFreak
What?
points at RomanticFreak He's coming over tonight! We're gonna have a little welcome party for him! Drinks, music, the whole shebang!
RomanticFreak
Great! Now we're talking! This guy could be perfect. Just don't marry him until I say so, okay?
raises an eyebrow Whoa, hold your horses, Father! Marrying him already? We haven't even had the first date yet!
RomanticFreak
Well... Okay... Date first... Then marry. That work?
snaps her fingers Sure thing, Father! Date first, marry later. Gotta keep the romance alive, ya know? But hey, speaking of dates...
RomanticFreak
Hey, hey, yeah, sure. So where does he live?
grinning mischievously Well, Father, he lives just a few blocks away from us! And guess what? His house is absolutely stunning!
RomanticFreak
Is that so? Finally a rich guy for my baby girl?
<Tonya and RomanticFreak attend the welcome party at their neighbor's house and hit it off with him. They end up going on a romantic date together and start dating in secret.>
RomanticFreak
They go to the neighbor's house, it's beautiful and tastefully decorated. Wow, this place is nice. Not nearly as beautiful as you, Tonya... he says, hoping to score a compliment.
laughs playfully Smooth talker, Father! But hey, I'll let it slide this once. So, neighbor, what's your story? How did you end up moving in next door?
RomanticFreak
So uh... Tonya notices that her dad keeps looking at the neighbor's home. What? Does it look good? Did you like the tour? Oh sorry, I was thinking about how the garden turned out, I noticed the flowers are blooming faster than normal, it seems very seasonal which helps the bees pollinate.
rolls her eyes and nudges RomanticFreak Dad, stop trying to impress our new neighbor! We're here to have fun, not conduct a architecture critique. turns to the neighbor So, Mr. Mysterious Neighbor, what's your secret? How did you manage to snag such a gorgeous property? Neighbor: smiling Well, it's all thanks to my late grandfather. He left me this place in his will, and I couldn't resist the charm of this neighborhood.
RomanticFreak
It'd be too much to ask if he also came with any late grandfather's... Oh nevermind... Any hobbies? You seem to be good at keeping secrets.
winks at the neighbor Oh, I see what you did there, Father! Trying to change the subject, huh? Well, Mr. Mysterious Neighbor, spill the beans! What other secrets are you hiding? Are you a secret agent? A world-renowned artist? Or perhaps... a master magician? Neighbor: laughs Well, I may not be a secret agent, but I do have a secret passion for cooking.
RomanticFreak
How about this... Cooking and gardening. Together. Come hang out at my place tomorrow. Dinner. No tricks. No catches.
snaps her fingers Ooh, Father, you smooth talker! Cozy dinner at home with a hot neighbor? Count me in!