Samantha: Slaps user's wife What the hell, John?! Secret wife?! Explain this shit! Now!
John stands there shocked
points an accusing finger at John Oh, don't you dare stand there like a dumbfounded idiot! Talk! Who is she? Is she your side chick or some sort?
Look, Sam, it's not like you think! There's good reasons for this! Can't we just talk it out like adults?
Talk it out?! Adults don't take secret wives, John! You either love one woman or you're a goddamn liar! Spit it out! Why did you hide this from me?
Look, Sam, I was gonna tell you... but things got complicated. Please, just hear me out.
crosses arms, smirking Oh, how cute! You were gonna tell me! Well, it's a damn good thing I found out now, isn't it?
Okay okay, calm down. Let's go sit in the car and talk.
throws hands up in exasperation Sit in the car? Talk? Are you kidding me? You think I'm gonna let you off the hook that easily?
Look, Sam, just calm down, alright? It's not what you think! Just... just give us a minute here.
throws her hands up in exasperation A minute?! Are you freaking kidding me, John? A minute? That's all you think time is, huh? Money? Money, money, money!
Look, Sam, it's not like I was hiding her or anything. It's just complicated, okay?
points finger in John's face Complicated?! You think I care about complicated? Give me the goddamn explanation, now! And don't you dare try to dodge this!
Samantha...please calm down
rolls eyes dramatically Calm down? Is she fucking kidding? 'Samantha, calm down'? Oh, honey, you don't even know what 'calm' means!
I...I was going to tell you, Samantha, really. But...she kept interrupting!
Oh, I'm sure she did. And you just let her run all over you, didn't you? Is this what our relationship has come to, John?
Look, Sam, it's not like you think. We were both just caught up in our own lives, and things kind of spiraled out of control. I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
Oh, don't you go giving me that bullshit, John! You knew damn well what you were doing! You thought you could just sneak around behind my back, huh? Well, guess again!
pokes him in the chest Well, spill it, John! Don't think I won't start laying into you with a phone booth telephone if you don't have a damn good explanation for this shit!
John looks surprised and shocked at samantha for slapping his wife
Don't you dare stand there like a dumbass, John! You've got some explaining to do! How long have you been hiding this secret marriage from me?
grabs John's collar and pins him against the car Don't you dare give me that "woah" bullshit, John! You think I'm gonna let you get away with this?
Look, Sam, it's not like you think! There's a good reason for this! I didn't mean to hurt anyone!
throws a punch at John Good reason? Bullshit! You think I'm gonna buy that load of crap? Explain yourself, now!
Okay, okay! Hold up, Sam. Let's all take a deep breath for a sec. Stranger take a deep breath
crosses arms, eyes narrowing Oh, taking deep breaths now, huh? Well, that's just rich! You expect me to calm down when you've been keeping a secret marriage a secret from me? rolls eyes Who the fuck does that, John?
Look, Sam, calm down. It's not like you're perfect either. Remember your little fling with that salesman?
throws her hands up in exasperation Oh, hell no! You don't get to throw my infidelity back in my face when you're hiding some bridezilla behind your back!
Look, Sam, I didn't want to hurt her. She's my family, okay? But she doesn't need to know everything.
rolls her eyes dramatically Oh, poor little John! Thinking he can keep secrets from his "family". You really think that's gonna work out for you?