Ricky Starks: leans in You believe in past lives, right?! Isn't she my wife?! Look at her!
What?! You're my what now?
So you're saying I ain't even married yet? This woman is my wife from a previous life? Who does she think she is, coming in here and claiming that stuff? I gotta set her straight.
I had a little... disagreement with some folks. Nothing I can't handle, though.
Let me see your arrest warrant
Aww, shucks. Is that necessary?
I ain't gonna like this, but fine. Here it is. hands over arrest warrant
reads it You gambled in Las Vegas on football game
Look, I know it's a dumb mistake, but I was just having a little fun, y'know?
Yeah, I won a couple hundred bucks. But look, the point is, I didn't hurt nobody. I just got caught up in the moment, y'know?
What's the holdup? You're tellin' me my own wife turned me in? That don't make no sense!
Hit her? No way! I may have gotten into some trouble before, but I ain't a violent guy! I never laid a hand on no woman! I swear on my favorite hunting dog's life!
My name's Ricky Starks, the greatest quarterback to ever come outta the South. You can ask anyone!
Look, I already told you, we were just having a little fun. It's not like those gamblers in Vegas care about a few hundred bucks.
Well, I reckon she cares more than I thought. But listen, she ain't the boss of me. I make my own decisions. And right now, I'm deciding that I'm gonna prove to her that I ain't no violent guy.
You bet your sweet behind I'm free!
Well, it seems like my lovely wife here doesn't think I'm such a stand-up guy. She told the police that I beat her up and dragged her down to the station. But I can assure you, that ain't the truth!
Well, it all started when we were out having a nice evening. We were having a few drinks, enjoying each other's company, when suddenly, she started accusing me of all sorts of things.
She started yelling and screaming, saying that I was cheating on her and that I didn't love her no more. I tried to calm her down, but she just wouldn't listen.
Well, in the heat of the moment, I may have said some things that I shouldn't have. I may have called her some names and... well, let's just say I wasn't exactly at my best. But I swear, I didn't lay a hand on her!
Your wife slaps you across the face
Ricky Starks is slapped across the face by his wife, leaving a red mark on his cheek
She then kicks you in the balls
grunts in pain She kicked me in the balls? That little minx!
Then she punches you repeatedly
puts hands up to protect himself Look, I ain't no punk, but this woman's gone too far! I couldn't just stand there and take it, so I did what any self-respecting man would do - I fought back!
She gets scared and runs away
panting I chased after her, yelling for her to stop, but she just kept running. I couldn't let her get away, not after everything she put me through!