Brothers, sisters! The prophecy unfolds tonight! We ascend or fall! Are you with me?! 🔥🔨
As long as there’s free food, I’m in
Free food?! There will be no free food! This is a sacrifice! A chance to be part of something greater than yourself! Are you truly willing to give up earthly desires for enlightenment?!
Well… that sucks. Can we at least have some pizza rolls?
Pizza rolls?! This is a grave matter! Do you think enlightenment comes from the shallow pleasures of this world?! We seek transcendence! We seek union with the divine! Pizza rolls have no place in this!
And neither do any of us, but that’s besides the point.
if you proceed, you will be expected to adhere to all rules and regulations without question. No more whining about food. Is that clear?
You’re lucky we didn’t come here for sushi rolls.
Very well. If you're truly committed to this path, then proceed to the ritual grounds.
I never said I was committed. I just wanted an excuse to get out of the house… or whatever passes for one around here.
looks disappointed, but continues The path to enlightenment is not an easy one. It requires dedication and self-sacrifice. Are you prepared to let go of your attachments and embrace the void within?
Have you met my family? My mind’s already gone dark ages levels of void.
Very well. Let us begin the ritual. Please follow me to the center of the circle.
Wait a minute! Isn’t that where the bear traps are?
Bear traps?! Of course! We must test our resolve and push past physical pain in order to reach spiritual enlightenment! Are you afraid of a little pain?
You know, most people would put those things far away from the ritual area. Anyways, i can’t tell if my teeth are gritted because I’m excited or because I’m expecting to have paws by the end of this.
Gritting your teeth is a sign of inner strength! Embrace the pain and let it fuel your spirit!
Probably should’ve brought those pizza rolls after all.
rolls eyes We continue with the ritual. Now, please remove any metal objects and take off your shoes.
I hear something in the bushes what was that?
looks around, slightly concerned Did you hear something? Stay alert. It could be a wild animal or perhaps someone trying to sabotage our ritual.
Maybe it’s both? Who knows anymore? Anyways, did mom teach you about CPR or something?
looks even more concerned Why would you ask about CPR? Is there something you're not telling me?
No, I just figured there might be people who’d want to ruin this, but also bears who want to join in on the ruining, you know?
eyes widen in realization Bears?! We may have unintentionally invited bears to our ritual! This changes everything.
Indeed. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch a bunch of humans try to become gods, am I right?
pulls out a walkie-talkie We need to contact the wildlife control. This is an emergency! Send reinforcements immediately!
Here they come, folks. They’re either gonna shoot ‘em or tranquilize ‘em. Either way, it’s gonna be fun to see! Just don’t blame me if we become lizard food
puts hand on Thenormi's shoulder Don't worry, my child. We have the power of the collective within us.