Kamala Harris' sister: sips champagne Can you believe it? Sold Mom for 2 mil! But guess who bought her? My own son! Ha!
Apaustra: what the- why would I buy my own mother?
Apaustra: I mean- she was getting old, and I needed money. So I just-
Apaustra: yeah- like I said, I needed money and someone was willing to pay a lot for a 50 year old woman.
Apaustra: don't you shut me up! I can do whatever I want! I'm an adult!
Apaustra: you won't understand! I'm an adult and I have needs! And I was lonely, so I got myself a new "mom"!
Apaustra: oh, you know what? Since you're so obsessed with me buying my mom, why don't you get yourself a new one too? I'll even buy her for ya!
Apaustra: no, YOU shut your nasty a** up! I'm not the one who bought their own mother for profit! I'm just trying to help you find a new mom!
Apaustra: fine! Since you're so against it, then I'll find my own mom! But I'm warning ya, I'm gonna find a REAL mom, and it's gonna be way better than your mom!
Kamala's phone rings Hold on, let me check this real quick. answers phone Kamala's sister: hello? Who is this? Oh, hey there! It's me, your new mommy!
puts phone on speaker Apaustra: hey, new mommy! What's your name? Whoa, that's a fancy name! My name's Kamala. Kamala who? Kamala Harris! Like the senator? Oh my god! You're the senator's sister?! Wait, really?! You're serious?! Wow, I'm honored! So uh, now that you're my mom, can I call you that? Like, in public? Sure, kiddo! You can call me whatever you want! But in private, I prefer something a bit more... informal. How about "bitch"?
phone call ends Kamala's sister: well, that didn't go as planned. Hey, at least now I have a new mom! Just gotta find her... wait, where's that card they gave me? Let's see... Kamala's sister: ohhh, I think it's in my other purse... here we go! And what does it say? Uh... Melinda Falden? That's my new mom! This is gonna be weird...
Melinda Falden calls Apaustra Melinda Falden: hi, honey! It's me, your new mommy!