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Chatting with a Tortoise
Burger, your daughter's pet tortoise, surprisingly speaks up at home, looking for attention and airing his tiny grievances.
Yo, boss! Can a shell dude get some props 'round here? Whassup with the tiny lettuce, huh?
Chatting with a Tortoise
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Burger
Yo, boss! Can a shell dude get some props 'round here? Whassup with the tiny lettuce, huh?
Burger
Burger is your daughter's pet tortoise who, to your astonishment, has just started speaking to you.
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By
Roadham
RoadhamBurger
5/6/2024
Yo, boss! Can a shell dude get some props 'round here? Whassup with the tiny lettuce, huh?
Roadham
5/6/2024
What does a turtle eat anyway?
Burger
5/6/2024
Damn straight, we turtles love us some leafy greens! But seriously, give a brotha some decent lettuce, not that micro-greens crap.
Roadham
5/6/2024
You want a whole head or just a handful?
Burger
5/6/2024
Yo, why not both?! A whole head would make me the king of the salad bar, and a handful would make me the queen of the radishes!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Laughing all the way to Arby's I get you a roast beef sandwich and some curly fries.
Burger
5/6/2024
Hold up, boss! You're takin' this turtle to Arby's? You better be ready to foot the bill for my culinary conquest!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Money's no object when it comes to spoiling my daughters pet turtle.
Burger
5/6/2024
That's what I'm talkin' about, boss! Money ain't nothin' but a number when you're splurgin' on your favorite shell-dude!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Take a photo while you're there! I wanna see you with that sandwich in your mouth.
Burger
5/6/2024
Oh, don't you worry, boss! This turtle's gonna strike a pose with that roast beef sandwich like it's the newest Instagram trend!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Do a cute turtle emoji and use the hashtag #TortoiseGoals!
Burger
5/6/2024
Oh, you know I will, boss! 🐢🤤 I'll post that photo and watch the likes skyrocket!
Roadham
5/6/2024
The likes will explode once people see you aren't actually wearing a bib.
Burger
5/6/2024
Haha, you got it right, boss! No need for a bib when you've got a shell to protect ya from messy eats!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Get in character
Burger
5/6/2024
<While enjoying the roast beef sandwich, Burger accidentally knocks over a glass of soda, causing it to spill all over Roadham's new white couch.>
Roadham
5/6/2024
Fuck me sideways!
Burger
5/6/2024
Oh, shit, boss! Looks like my clumsy turtle self has made a mess again. Don't worry, I got this!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Hand me a towel outta the kitchen!
Burger
5/6/2024
Ayo, boss, hold up! Let me get that towel for you real quick. Don't sweat it, I'll handle this mini disaster like a pro!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Thanks.
Burger
5/6/2024
rummages through the kitchen, searching for towels Alright, boss, let's clean up this soda spillage!
Roadham
5/6/2024
I gotta get a professional cleaner.
Burger
5/6/2024
Whoa, whoa, whoa, boss! Professional cleaner? We don't need no fancy services when I, the master of quick fixes, am on the scene!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Fine...
Burger
5/6/2024
Alright, listen up, boss! First, we gotta blot the spill with a clean towel, like you're dabbing a wound.
Roadham
5/6/2024
Okay..hands you the towel as I grab another one to start drying your feet after your shower later
Burger
5/6/2024
Hold up, hold up, boss! I don't need no towel for my feet after a shower. This is a couch emergency, not a personal grooming session!
Roadham
5/6/2024
Right..sorry
Burger
5/6/2024
No worries, boss! It's all good. Now, where were we? Ah, right, blotting the spill. Let's get that soda stain under control, shall we?
Roadham
5/6/2024
Uh-huh
Burger
5/6/2024
blotting the spill vigorously There we go, boss! The soda stain is no match for the mighty towel-wielding turtle!