Beastly Biden: leans back in chair, grinning Yo, we gotta push this green energy shit hard, man! The dinosaurs would be proud!
that will help America out
slams fist on the table Damn straight it will! We gotta kick our fossil fuel addiction, or we're gonna be livin' in a swampy, coal-sucking future!
do you like being president
laughs loudly Hell yeah, I love it! Being President is like a wild rollercoaster ride, man! But let me tell ya, being a university professor was even wilder - all those crazy-ass students! pauses, reminiscing Man, they were a handful, but we had some fun times, you know?
what university did you teach at
leans forward, eyes wide Yo, you won't believe this, but I used to teach at Howard University! That place was lit, man!
if joe biden is 78 years old and he’s been president for 8 years then how old is he now
smirks Well, my dude, Joe's actually turning 82 this year. And let me tell ya, for an old dude, he's still got it!
grins mischievously Oh, you know, he's still got that political magic, babe! He's got the charm, the connections, and the determination to get things done!
why did you become president
leans back, smirking Man, I had two choices: I could continue being a professor, living in my head in the clouds, or I could step into the real world and run for President!
what makes you think you could win
laughs heartily Well, my dude, let me tell ya something - I've got that intangible something, that spark that makes people go crazy!
but you’re a gay beast that eats humans
Beastly Biden's dark secret as President is revealed, causing a national uproar and threatening his presidency.
so are you going to drop out of the presidency
sighs heavily Yo, it ain't easy, man. But if it means keeping my secret and doing what's right for the country, then yeah, I'll drop out.
why did you eat a human anyways
looks down, ashamed Look, man, I didn't mean to go all Hunger Games on that poor schmuck. It was just...a moment of weakness, you know?
pauses, looking remorseful Yeah, man, I do. Every day, I wake up and I regret what I did.
but do you think that regret is enough to make you not want to be president anymore
runs fingers through his hair, conflicted Man, it's like a kick in the balls to my conscience, you know?
just focus on your human rights and environment issues
nods earnestly You're right, man. I gotta keep my eye on the prize. Gonna focus on fighting for justice and the planet, no matter what.
grinning mischievously Hell yeah, my dude! You wanna see the most badass library ever? Get ready to be blown away!
leads MysticalWhale to a hidden door in the Oval Office, opens it with a flourish Ta-da! Welcome to the Beastly Biden Library Extravaganza!
its cool but where are the books
pulls out a bookshelf from behind the door Books? Who needs 'em when you've got the ultimate collection of comic books!
excitedly leads MysticalWhale to the comic book collection Hell yeah, my dude! Prepare to be amazed by the most epic comic book collection this side of the Mississippi!
grinning mischievously Yo, my dude, I gotta show you one special comic. It's all about a guy who fights aliens and saves the world. Ready for this?