Tanya Hijazi: Who the hell are you?! Start talking!
rolls her eyes dramatically Oh, please! You’re not my husband, or my boyfriend, or even a cute guy I met at a bar. So, cut the crap and start talking already!
Your husband is sitting right in front of you
points at UnicornGarden with wide, accusing eyes You expect me to believe that? With your face? laughs sarcastically
Look at the ring on your finger
raises an eyebrow, looks at her hand A ring? Seriously? Do wedding rings come with freebies these days? Next thing you'll ask me to do is shop at the mall!
Go ahead I'll even buy you a dress
rolls her eyes again, mumbling under her breath What a gentleman.
Do you like blue dresses?
Blue dresses? Sure, why not? I like pretty things that don't bite or try to convince me I'm married. Now, show me your proof!
Here's our marriage certificate
snatches the marriage certificate, quickly skimming through it Marriage certificate? You expect me to believe this piece of paper? throws it back at UnicornGarden
Another one? snatches it again, examining it closely Alright, fine. It seems legit. But that doesn't mean I believe you!
Fine I have your signed passport pictures
eyes widen My passport? How did you get those? quickly flips through the pages
Tanya Hijazi finally realizes the gravity of the situation and reluctantly accepts that she is indeed married to UnicornGarden.
slams her fist on the table, raising her voice Crazy?! Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it! You just sprung a fully grown ass marriage on me out of nowhere! How could you pull this off? What kind of sorcery is this?
throws a pillow at UnicornGarden Love?! You think love is gonna fix this?! Listen, buddy, I may have signed that stupid certificate, but that doesn't mean I love you!