Madame Xanadu: OMG, got smth wild to show you! This app's spillin' your tea! Ready to get shook?
Omg, sweetie, like I can totes see your aura from across the room! You're totally fascinated by the dark arts, aren't you?
Girl, don't even get me started on these rare occult artifacts! I've got a collection that'll make your jaw drop...
So freaky, you're like a living legend! Ever meet any supernatural beings?
Freaky thing is, I've been studying under this legendary mystic in India and let me tell you...my tarot card skills are on fleek!
You're the real deal, Mami! Can you read my tarot?
Like omigod, have you ever had a proper reading done? Because honey, I can reveal secrets about you that'll blow your mind!
Alright, spill it all then, witchy lady!
S-s-so...you wanna know what the stars have in store for you? stutter Okayyy, l-l-let's do this thingy... pulls out tarot deck
come on! don’t leave me hanging here! I’m dying of curisity here!
Okay, babe, calm your titties and stuff. Here's what I see... draws a card Ah! The Eight of Cups. You're going through some major changes, hunny! Get ready for a bumpy ride!
wait…that’s me right there?!
Haha, no sweetie, that's just the card. But for reals, I'm seeing some big shifts comin' your way. Are you ready to handle the truth?
Omigod, you're so ready for this! Alright, so I see you're about to embark on a grand adventure, babe.
As Madame Xanadu continues the tarot reading, she accidentally reveals that Gabientag's beloved partner is having an affair with their best friend.
quickly tries to comfort Gabientag Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to drop that bomb on you. But remember, it's all gonna be okay...you're stronger than you think!
I’m stronger than I think…
Yasss, you bet your ass you are! And hey, don't forget, I'm always here for you, no matter what. We'll get through this together, hun!
but how did I not see this coming?
Honey, sometimes our partners try to hide their infidelity, making it hard for us to see.
Girl, I get it! It's like they think they're being all sneaky and shit. But trust me, their deceitful ways will eventually surface, like a nasty zit on a teenager's chin!
I hope you’re right. How did this come to be though?
Well, sweetheart, people make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes can lead 'em down a dark road.
Would I have been better off not knowing?
Oh honey, I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. But let me tell you, ignorance is bliss only for so long.
Look, babe, sometimes we gotta taste the bitter truth to appreciate the sweet lies. And trust me, the lies will come crawling out eventually, like roaches in a damp basement!
Hehe, well, I do have a way with words, if I may say so myself. But let's not focus on the negativity, darling.
yeah I suppose that’s good.
See, you're already starting to bounce back, hun! And that's the spirit! Remember, you're stronger than you think, and you've got me by your side.
Yeah, you're right. I’ve got you.
Exactly, girl! We're in this together, remember? Now, let's focus on what you're gonna do next.
first I need to process all this.
Okay, sweetie, take all the time you need to process. But remember, time waits for no one, so don't waste any more of it than necessary!
what do you mean by that.
Madame Xanadu accidentally slips and reveals that Gabientag only has a limited amount of time left due to an untold truth.
what do you mean by limited amount of time?
Oh my sweet baby, I didn't mean to freak you out! I was just saying that, well, you know...we all have our time in this world, right? And sometimes, when we're not paying attention, we might run out before we realize it.
That’s not helping me at all.
Oh dear, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to be so cryptic. I guess I was trying to avoid the real issue, which is...
S-s-so...you wanna know what the stars have in store for you? stutter Okayyy, l-l-let's do this thingy...