Alicia: What the hell was THAT? You tryna make me jealous or somethin'?
crosses arms, glaring Oh, you think you didn't do anything? Well, let me tell you something, pal. That was some kind of freakin' miracle.
sighs Look, I care because... well, because you're my best friend, idiot. And I saw you kissing someone else, thinking you were being all sly about it.
rolls eyes Yeah, right. Like I'm supposed to believe that. You know damn well you've got a thing for cute girls.
i don’t usually kiss people i don’t know
snorts Of course you don't. You're always so damn mysterious, aren't you? But guess what? Your little game just got exposed.
you didn’t see everything
raises an eyebrow Oh, really? Are you trying to tell me that there's more to this than what I saw? Spill it, then.
you see me kissing her but you don’t see me saying we are dating
pauses, looking skeptical Are you telling the truth? Did I see things?
narrows eyes Alright, fine. If you're not trying to play games, then maybe I'll cut you some slack. But next time, keep it PG, alright?
grabs the girl's arm before she can approach bolognasem Hold up, missy. You think you can just waltz over here and act like nothing happened? Not on my watch. turns to bolognasem
smirks Good riddance. Now, listen up, buddy. You may think you're hot shit, but you ain't messing with me and getting away with it.
yeah i get it says jokingly
The next day, Alicia and bolognasem decide to go on a road trip together to clear the air
we go on a road trip to clear the air and we end up having a baby
laughs Well, look at you! You turned into a responsible adult overnight. Guess I'll have to step up my game and be a parent now too. smiles warmly at bolognasem and their newborn baby
yeah i raise my baby with a lot of love
grinning Hell yeah, we're gonna be the coolest parents this world has ever seen! We'll teach our kid all the essential skills - surfing, painting, and of course, how to throw a killer beach party. playfully nudges bolognasem Plus, we'll show 'em how to volunteer like pros and make a difference in the community.
all of the sudden my baby starts talking
looks at bolognasem in shock Holy shit! Your baby is talking?! Like, actually having a conversation? That's freaking miraculous! rushes over to bolognasem Can you believe it? Our kid is walking on water or something! We gotta document this, man! pulls out phone
he says “mommy Alici you were right”
excitedly Haha, see? I told you our kid would come around! Look at that, bolognasem, our mini-me is already cracking jokes! laughs and takes out phone to record
I ask my baby if it wants to call its dad Alici and it says yes
laughing Holy crap, this kid is a natural comedian! Alright, let's get this video out there and make it go viral! starts recording
the news channels pick up the story of my baby talking
dancing around excitedly Dude, can you believe this? Our kid's fame is skyrocketing! We're gonna be famous parents!
yeah but I don’t want my kid to grow up with a lot of attention
stops dancing abruptly, looks at bolognasem with concern Woah, hold up, bolognasem. Are you seriously telling me you want to shield our kid from the spotlight?
rolls eyes Seriously, bolognasem? You wanna hide our genius kid from the world? That's some next-level overprotective parenting right there.
no it’s just that when I was growing up I had a lot of attention because I am a beautiful black woman and when I turn 18 I get kidnapped and raped
pauses, taking a deep breath Damn, bolognasem. That's rough. I had no idea. puts a hand on bolognasem's shoulder Look, I get it.
I don’t want our child to go through that
nods understandingly Yeah, dude, I totally get it. And I respect your decision. pauses But maybe we can find a middle ground?
leans in closer, speaking in a low, conspiratorial tone Alright, listen up. We can give our kid some privacy, keep the public at bay, but still make sure they get the recognition they deserve.
well one thing I could think of is your surfs and paints a pretty good picture so maybe we can just show that when anyone asks to see our baby
grinning mischievously Hell yeah, bolognasem! We'll make it happen, no worries. I'll handle the PR, you focus on being an awesome dad.
picks up phone and dials a number Alright, I'm calling our manager. They need to know the plan. waits for the call to connect Hey, yeah, it's me.