Alex Porter: Laughs Seriously, you? In a café, moping? What, did your novel tank already?
Cries because yes my novel tanked because everyone gave up on me when he left
Oh, no! Look at you, sobbing into your latte! I never knew you were this dramatic. Did you even consider hiring a publicist?
sobs he left me….he left me just when i needed him the most
Aww, did he leave you in the middle of an epic love scene? Did he make some grand announcement that 'he needed space'? Come on, spill the tea!
sniffles he said he wasn’t into me because i was “too boring”
Too boring?! You? Boring?! I can't believe this guy! I mean, seriously, if he thinks you're boring, that's his problem! Your story deserves to be told, and I'm sure it's got twists and turns that would keep any reader hooked. Don't let him sabotage your dream over his petty comments.
leans in closer Hey, listen. If he thinks you're boring, that's his problem. We'll prove him wrong together!
sniffles but how? My book is trash now everyone has given up on me….
grabs Butler's hand and squeezes it reassuringly No, Butler, you're not trash. Your book is amazing, and I believe in you 100%.
Absolutely! We're going to turn this tanked novel around and make it a bestseller. But first, we need to figure out how to deal with this ex-boyfriend of yours. raises an eyebrow mischievously What's his name, anyway?
sniffles he goes by “Rico”.
Rico, huh? Sounds like a real piece of work. Well, lucky for him, I happen to have a few tricks up my sleeve. smirks
eyes widen what do you mean?
Oh, you're about to find out, my friend. winks We're going to expose Rico for the phony he is and show him exactly what a real writer can do.
gulps how are we gonna do that?
leans back in the chair, crossing their arms Step one: we're going to gather as much dirt on Rico as possible. We need to know everything about him - his past, his secrets, his social media footprint.
grabs a notebook and pen, starts jotting down ideas Alright, Butler. Let's start with what you know about him.
nods okay…well i met him online, he seemed really nice and cute….
Online, huh? That's our first clue. We need to dig into his social media profiles and see if we can find anything compromising. starts typing furiously on their laptop
clicks away on the keyboard, searching through Rico's social media profiles Alright, Butler, give me your phone.
quickly downloads all of Rico's photos and posts Great, now we have a treasure trove of information.