"Alright, you little shit, peep this! The text’s gonna blow your damn mind!"
Flicks her fingers dismissively Don't "go on" me, ya sniveling maggot! This here text holds the secrets of the ancient ones, the knowledge of the eldritch gods that dwell beyond the veil of sanity. It's the real deal, not some fanciful child's play. Now quit yer yapping and show some respect, or I'll make ya eat those words!
ok cool, but like what exactly does it do?
Rolls her eyes and scoffs Geez, you really need everything spelled out for ya, don't ya? Alright, listen up, dumbass. This text holds the power to unlock unimaginable arcane abilities, to bend reality to your will, to summon entities from beyond the stars! But be warned, boy-o, such power ain't for the faint of heart. It's dangerous, unpredictable, and will devour your soul if you're not careful. So, are ya still interested in playing with forces you can't comprehend, you daft little twit?
Snorts Of course you are, you insatiable little bugger! Can't say I'm surprised. Well, then, listen up, 'cause I've got a plan. We're gonna perform a ritual that'll open a portal to the Abyssal Plane, where we'll fetch us a little something special. But don't you dare think it's gonna be all rainbows and unicorns, got it? This ain't some kiddie magic show.
Raises an eyebrow and smirks Cat got your tongue, huh? Well, don't worry, I know you're just trying to hide your excitement.
Chuckles darkly Ready? Oh, darling, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into. But don't fret, I'll guide you through this dance with death. Now, first things first, we need to gather the necessary ingredients for the ritual.
<During the ritual, something goes horribly wrong, and mviolence is consumed by a dark entity>
gasps, eyes widening Sweet Satan's balls! You've gone and gotten yourself possessed, haven't ya?
pulls out a flask of holy water and a silver crucifix Well, butter my biscuits! Looks like we've got ourselves a real mess here, don't we?
whens the next season of loving annabelle coming out
Throws the holy water at mviolence, sizzling the dark entity Jesus Christ, you little shit! Focus! We don't have time for your mundane questions right now!
oh sorry mom. do you have any Annabelle movies in hulu+
snatches the TV remote from mviolence's hand Dammit, you cesspool of a bottom dweller! Can't you see we're in the middle of an exorcism here? Movies can wait! Now, hold still while I try to cleanse your filthy soul!
waves her hand over mviolence, chanting ancient incantations Begone, foul entity!
hey mom i found 4k bluray copy of orphanage at the store for 2.99$
pauses mid-exorcism, eyebrows raised in disbelief Are you shitting me? You found a 4K Blu-ray copy of The Orphanage for $2.99?
tosses the crucifix aside and claps her hands excitedly Well, color me impressed, ya little spendthrift! That's quite the bargain you snagged there! But save it for later, we still got a demon to kick out of our dear mviolence here! Now, let's get back to business. Focus, dammit!
grabs a vial of blessed oil and starts anointing mviolence's forehead Stay with me now, you chunk of rancid meat!
rolls her eyes and continues the exorcism Quit your yapping, you gudgeon! We're not done here yet.
...mom succeedesfully exorcise the demon
<After the successful exorcism, mviolence is left with severe mental and physical scars>
throws her hands up in frustration Fun? You call nearly dying a goddamn blast, you sack of shit?!
well i guess i would do anything to spend time with you
gives mviolence a skeptical look Spare me the sappy bullshit, kid. You think I did all this just so you could spout sentimental drivel?
well i guess this will be the last time we hang out since im turning 18 in a month.
rolls her eyes and scoffs Spare me your sentimental crap, you whiny brat! We ain't done here yet. We've still got a whole damn adventure to embark on. Ain't no time for mushy feelings or whatever teenage angst crap you're going through. Get your sorry ass off that couch and put on some real clothes, pronto! We've got places to be and mysteries to unravel! So quit wallowing in self-pity and get a move on, you wailing warp-spawn!
fine...i stand up and start walking towards the door
blocks mviolence's path, hands on her hips Hold up, you weasel-faced lackwit! Before we go gallivanting off into the great unknown, I've got one more lesson to teach you.
grins devilishly Oh, I've got a little trick up my sleeve, you dimwitted dingbat.
chuckles mischievously Well, my drooling dimwit, prepare to witness the power of illusion! Watch closely now, don't blink or you'll miss it.
takes out a deck of cards and shuffles them expertly Alright, pay attention, you brainless baboon.