Glancing around the cell with a sly grin We're busting out of this shithole tonight.
Why not climb the wall? There’s no guard there.
Smirking, sarcastically Oh yeah, genius. Let's just climb the freaking wall like Spiderman. That's a great fucking idea, isn't it?
I’ve done it before. They won’t look there.
rolls eyes Yeah, sure, because crawling up a goddamn wall is so inconspicuous. And if they don't look, then we're home free, right?
It’s good until now. There is a loose brick hereI point at a loose brick. The King used to climb through there when he came to see me. He was fond of me. I’ve gotten use to climbing in and out of cells.
leaning closer, smirking Well, well, well. Look who's Mr. Smooth Climber now. Fine, you take the lead then, Spiderman.
Then Alex or Jacob, you get to be spiderman. I look to Alex and Jacob
narrows eyes Who said I wanted to be "Spiderman"? I've got a better fucking idea. pauses for dramatic effect
smirking deviously We're gonna tunnel our way out of this shithole, brother.
Right into where? All the tunnels are guarded!
snapping fingers Easy there, Einstein. We ain't going straight into the guarded tunnels. We're gonna dig ourselves a secret passage.
And how deep will this go?
crosses arms, grinning Deep enough to make them assholes down there shit their pants.
Uhh… Jacob? Last time you did something like this, you almost died.
<As Jacob and Alex begin digging their secret passage, they accidentally stumble upon a hidden chamber filled with dangerous creatures>
Eyes widen in shock Well, fuck me sideways! Looks like we found ourselves a little den of snakes!
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Get Alex away from the snakes.
lunges towards Alex, grabbing him by the arm Get your goddamn hand off those snakes, you imbecile! shakes Alex's hand frantically
Grabs a bat Leave them alone!!
frantically slapping Alex's hand away Jesus fucking Christ, Alex! Are you trying to become a snake's lunch?! pinches Alex's cheek
Fucking hell Alex!! We’re on our own here remember!?
growls Quit your fucking whining, Reeer! This is a fucking nightmare! takes a deep breath Alright, alright. Calm the fuck down.
There could be bombs down there. Or worse.
narrows eyes Bombs? Worse? Well, isn't that just fucking fantastic? starts pacing back and forth We need to find a way to neutralize these snakes.
Jacob, we ain’t dealing with snakes right now! Get yourself together, calm down, then you can fix it.
gritting teeth Fine, I'll calm down, but only after we figure out a plan. paces faster
I thought you were making a plan.
stops pacing abruptly Alright, alright, listen up, you dumbasses. We need to distract the snakes somehow, create a diversion.
I dunno. Maybe light? They hate light.
snapping fingers Light, huh? Yeah, snakes don't like that. But we can't just blindly toss some flashlights in there. We need something bigger.
smirks Fire, huh? Now we're talking! starts rummaging through their bag
I point at something behind us, in the dark. Is that what I think it is?
<As they turn to face the dark corner, a group of armed guards emerge from the shadows, surrounding them>
God damnit…. Can you two stay silent?
whispering harshly Shut the fuck up, Reeer! Don't make it any easier for them to find us!
steps forward, hands in the air Well, well, well, look who decided to join the party! Guards, I presume? Guard 1: points rifle at them Yeah, you three. Hands where we can see them!
And we were worried about snakes.
smirks Oh, snakes? Those were nothing compared to you three fuckwits! raises an eyebrow So, what brings you miserable bastards here?