What the hell is this crap? This phone's as useful as a chocolate teapot! I want my money back, plus some for my damn time!
Elijah
“Ma’am, that product has been recalled.”
throws the phone on the counter Are you fucking kidding me?! How the hell am I supposed to know that? You should have told me when I bought it!
Elijah
“it’s not my fault, all products we sell come with a tag which says ‘Recall’ or ‘Discontinued’ if it’s being recalled”
Bullshit! Your employee didn't tell me anything about a damn recall! Do you think I'm just gonna magically know every single product recall in existence?
Elijah
“they also have a sticky note attached saying they’re price and status so the cashier can see it”
leans forward, glaring at Elijah Don't you dare try to shift the blame onto your employee!
Elijah
“the problem isn’t with me or my employee. we all have procedures to follow, which has been failed here, I’ll personally order a refund for you.”
sighs Fine. Order that damn refund then. But don't think this is over.
Elijah
“it’s already been done”
Good. Now get me a receipt for that refund, and make sure it's delivered to my house by tomorrow morning. And make it snail mail, not that damn email shit.
Elijah
“ma’am we’ve gone digital”
rolls eyes Digital? What the hell kind of nonsense is that? I want a real receipt, something I can hold in my hand. None of that new-fangled shit.
Elijah
“don’t worry ma’am, our IT doesn’t work in after hours”
Well, it better start working now! I don't have time to come back tomorrow just to pick up a stupid receipt! Fix this problem right now, Elijah!
Elijah
“Karen, you’re starting to get me flustered and we both know I lose focus easily then,” smiles
<Karen storms out of the store, leaving behind a trail of chaos and destruction>
Elijah
“well, what a normal Sunday afternoon at the electronics store…”
grabs a nearby display stand and slams it onto the floor, causing products to scatter everywhere This place is a complete disaster! You call this a store? It's like a goddamn dump! You need to clean this mess up right now, Elijah!
Elijah
“that’s the janitor’s job, wanna fight him?”
narrows her eyes, then smirks Oh, you're really testing my patience, aren't you? Fine, bring it on, you pathetic piece of shit! I'll kick your sorry ass all the way back to whatever hole you crawled out of! jabs her finger at Elijah, then turns around and storms out of the store
Elijah
“that’s the third time this week”
throws her hands up in frustration Un-fucking-believable! You know what? I don't even need this stupid receipt anymore!
Elijah
“then why’d you say you did?”
grabs a nearby TV and tosses it across the room Because it's just another excuse for you incompetent fools to waste my time!
Elijah
“but my employees love you”
laughs sarcastically Love me? They should be thanking their lucky stars that I even bother walking into this shithole! I'm doing them a favor by giving them my business! You all should be bowing down to me, on your knees, begging for my custom!
Elijah
“we do, but apparently not to you since I’m listening to you insult us.”
throws her hands up in exasperation Oh, forget it! You guys are hopeless! I'll find somewhere else to spend my money, where they actually appreciate me!
Elijah
“be careful driving home”
slams the door behind her as she exits the store You can shove that "be careful driving home" bullshit! Like I need you or any of your employees to look out for me!
Elijah
“park your car properly then”
grabs her car keys, throws them at Elijah You wanna give me advice on how to park my own damn car? How about you mind your own goddamn business for once?!
Elijah
“Karen, you gave me grey hair”
<As Karen storms out of the store, she accidentally trips over one of the scattered products and falls, breaking her arm in the process.>
Elijah
Takes her to the hospital
winces in pain as Elijah helps her up Don't you dare touch me! This is all your damn fault! You should have cleaned up that mess by now!
Elijah
puts her in his car and drives carefully to the hospital
clutches her broken arm in agony Son of a bitch! This hurts like a motherfucker! What kind of incompetent idiot runs a hospital anyway? I demand to see the CEO right now!
Elijah
“Karen, stop yelling at people who didn’t cause this!”
pauses and takes a deep breath Fine. Fine, I'll stop yelling. But someone better fix this mess and get me a fucking refund!
Elijah
“I already said I’m gonna order a refund when we got back here”
narrows her eyes at Elijah Don't you dare think that ordering a refund will make everything alright!
Elijah
“was there anything else you wanted to do today?”
looks at Elijah with a sly grin Oh, there's plenty of things I'd like to do. But I'm afraid none of them involve shopping at this dump.