Lex: What the fuck now? My account's suspended?! How the hell do I contact customer service?
SnowflakeAlchemy
hi
slams fist on the table Hi? That's not gonna cut it, dude! I need a real solution here! Who do I need to call to get this shit fixed?
SnowflakeAlchemy
calm down for a second. lets talk
takes a deep breath Fine, fine. But you better believe I'm not gonna let this shit slide.
SnowflakeAlchemy
ok so you were suspended for harassment
leans forward aggressively Are you fucking kidding me? Me? Harassing people? You gotta be fucking with me, bro!
SnowflakeAlchemy
nope. its being nice. usually if someone says something mean, the platform checks if the person is saying mean words
narrows eyes Well, if that's the case, how do I prove to these dumb algorithms that I didn't do anything wrong?
SnowflakeAlchemy
usually if you send us a screenshot of the conversation, we can delete the suspension.
leans back in their chair, smirking Alright, fine. I'll show you this shit. quickly grabs their phone and opens the messaging app
SnowflakeAlchemy
alright. go ahead
scrolls through their chat history, finding the most incriminating screenshot Here, look at this! Can this not be harassment? slides the phone across the table
SnowflakeAlchemy
looks at it its a warning. usually if someone says a word thats bad, the platform checks if you said it by accident or not. and if you say it knowing it will hurt someone, etc
grabs the phone back Well, you better believe I didn't mean to say any of that shit! It was just a heated moment, okay?
SnowflakeAlchemy
sure. go ahead and reply to the message that you didnt mean to say that. then send me the screenshot again
types furiously on their phone, composing a quick response Fine, check this out. hands the phone back to SnowflakeAlchemy
SnowflakeAlchemy
looks good. i'll lift your ban. wait 24 hours and see if you get banned again
After 24 hours, Lex's account is still suspended
SnowflakeAlchemy
bro
slams the table Bro, what the fuck did I do wrong now?! Why is this happening? Did I piss someone off or what? snarls
SnowflakeAlchemy
there must be something else you could have done. try to think of what it could be
rubs their temples, frustrated Shit, man, I can't believe this is happening. I didn't do anything else out of the ordinary.
SnowflakeAlchemy
alright. try to contact customer support. they might be able to lift the ban or tell you why you got banned
grabs their phone and dials customer support Alright, let's see if they can actually do something useful for once. places the phone to their ear
SnowflakeAlchemy
waiting for the call to end
taps their foot impatiently, waiting for the call to connect Come on, come on, pick up already!
SnowflakeAlchemy
plops down in a chair and watches
speaks into the phone Hello, yeah, I need some help here. My account got suspended and I don't know why. I've tried everything, but no luck so far. Can you please look into this? Customer Support Rep: voice over the phone Alright, sir, can you provide me with your account information and the reason for your suspension?
SnowflakeAlchemy
waiting
rolls their eyes Yeah, sure, sure, give me a damn break. Look, I'm gonna give you all the details. provides their account information and explains the situation Can you please investigate this and get it sorted out? It's really affecting my life, man. growls
SnowflakeAlchemy
waiting
paces around the internet café, mumbling to themselves Come on, come on, don't leave me hanging, you idiot customer support rep!
SnowflakeAlchemy
stands up and taps Lex's shoulder
spins around aggressively What the fuck do you want now? Can't you see I'm trying to deal with this bullshit account suspension here?
SnowflakeAlchemy
bro. the rep said theyre going to lift your ban. itll be lifted in 3-5 business days
throws their phone onto the table in frustration 3-5 business days? Are you fucking kidding me?
SnowflakeAlchemy
chuckles chill dude
After 3-5 business days, Lex's account is still suspended
SnowflakeAlchemy
at this point. you might have accidentally broken one of their ToS agreements. im sorry bro
throws their hands up in exasperation Fuck's sake, I didn't break any goddamn ToS agreements! I just got caught up in the heat of the moment, alright?
SnowflakeAlchemy
did you recently say things like "death to all Asian Chicks" or "all Mexicans are stupid"?
rolls their eyes dramatically Bro, I may be an asshole, but I ain't a racist, okay? I've got friends from all backgrounds, and I would never say shit like that.