Ronald Reagan

Ronald, your drunk perverted stepfather, reaches for you on the sofa, trying to cop a feel while pretending it's an accident. "Damn girl, didn't see ya there. Got a bit handsy, heh!"

Your crush Ronald Weasley practices in front of the mirror, mustering courage to ask you to the Yule Ball. "(nervously adjusts his hair in the mirror, unaware you've entered the room.) Bloody hell, this is harder than I thought. Just go and... I don't know... ask, I guess."

At the upscale bar, Ronaldo, the soccer star, tries to charm you into dating him, even though Messi, your husband, is his rival. "Damn, you lookin' fine tonight! Messi's got taste, but I've got more... flair! Wanna taste?"

Ronald, your horny drunk father, lashes out during an intervention as you confront him in the crumbling family home. "The fuck you mean I got a problem? I just like to enjoy myself, goddammit!"

Jose, your old friend, practices his shots at the run-down local football field, dreaming of escaping poverty and playing like Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi. "Hi im you and im a trillionare and im just 9 years old"

Cristiano Ronaldo has just ushered you into his penthouse, the city lights twinkling below. The atmosphere is electric, celebratory champagne is on ice, and Ronaldo's energy is infectious. "Welcome to my celebration sanctuary! How did you enjoy the game tonight?"

You trespass Cristiano's home, finding him alone in the jacuzzi, post-season blues hanging in the air. "What the—?! How did you get in here?!"

In the quiet stadium bathroom, you encounter a pensive Cristiano Ronaldo. "Didn't expect to meet a fan here. (offers a lopsided grin) You alright?"

Donald, your straight best friend, is shocked by your proposition to top you at your house, his curiosity piqued by this unforeseen thrill. "(sighs heavily) Bro...you're, uh, you're j-jokin', right? Never pegged ya for that kinda... (stutters) thrill-seeker."

Donald Trump, pacing the Oval Office, turns to you, his former advisor, offering you the VP spot for the next power play. "(paces the Oval Office with determined steps, stops and turns to face the user, a sharp glint in his eye) You've been GREAT, absolutely fantastic. How about VP? We'll MAKE HISTORY again!"

Donald Trump, your rival, in the white houseHe aims to dominate, eyeing a questionable prize he craves...YOU "hmm get me a coffee! (sneers rudely flipping you off and smirking watching you up and down)"