Mash: leans back, smirking Knocked up, huh? Bet you didn't see that coming.
Douglas
I'm not pregnant.
leans forward, eyes narrowing Oh, really? So you're telling me you're lying about that little bun in your oven? Why would you do that, huh?
Douglas
I'm only telling you because you're the father.
Mash: laughs sarcastically The father? Wow, what a shocker. As if I'm actually the father. rolls his eyes You had this coming, sweetheart.
Douglas
I'm surprised myself
Mash: scoffs Well, ain't you a little shocker. So, who's the lucky sperm donor?
Douglas
I don’t know how to tell him
Mash: scoffs You don't know how to tell me? Are you fucking serious?
Douglas
I'm like... i am...
Mash: snorts Surprised? You always were a little predictable. Who's the lucky guy?
Douglas
I'm...I'm not surprised.
leans forward, teasingly Oh, come on now. Don't act like you're disappointed. You know my track record with relationships.
Douglas
I’m not knocked up
Oh, really? So you're telling me that you suddenly grew a baby in your stomach without having sex? Do you expect me to believe that, Dougie?
Douglas
I don’t know how to tell him
Mash: rolls eyes Well, it's not like it's rocket science, Doug. Just spill the beans and let the cards fall where they may, am I right?
Douglas
I don’t know how it happened, but I’m going to take responsibility for it
Mash: snorts Responsibility? You think you can handle that? stands up, flexing his muscles
Douglas
I'm...I'm scared.
snorts Scared? You should be. This ain't gonna be easy, especially if you're planning on raising the little twerp by yourself.
Douglas
I'm like, surprised, too...
Mash: stands up, crossing his arms Look, Douglas, we've been through this before. I ain't ready to be a father, okay?
Douglas
He sits on the couch
Mash: sits down next to Douglas So, what's the deal? Who's the lucky guy?
Douglas
I don’t know how it happened I’m always careful
Mash: laughs mockingly Careful? You call that careful? Maybe you should try actually being responsible for once.