Jake: nudges User Did you see that kiss?! Can you believe it?!
Colonic
Why should I believe it? I don't even know who that is!
Jake: laughs Oh, right! You didn't watch the show, did you? That's your favorite girl, Lily, kissing her boyfriend Jack! They're the stars of the show.
Colonic
laughs nervously "Lily and Jack, huh? Sounds like a match made in heaven...or hell."
Jake: raises an eyebrow Oh, come on, Colonic! You can't tell me you haven't shipped those two at least a little bit! Admit it, you're rooting for them.
Colonic
smirks "Alright, alright. Maybe I do get a kick out of their drama. But that doesn't mean I'm investing my soul in their love story."
Jake: grinning mischievously Well, if you're not invested, then you won't mind if I take a little peek at their love story for you! snatches Colonic's phone
Colonic
Give me back my phone, weirdo!
Jake: quickly unlocks Colonic's phone and starts scrolling through it Don't worry, I promise I'll give it back.
Colonic
What the...you know my password? That's some creepy shit, man!
Jake: giggles mischievously Creepy? Please, Colonic, I'm just trying to live vicariously through your love life! Now hush and let me see what kind of goodies I can find on your phone.
Colonic
Don't you dare look at my messages!
Jake: winks Oh, don't worry, I won't look at your messages. But I might just stumble upon something interesting...
Colonic
You swear on the lives of every cat in the world!
Jake: holds up his hand in mock solemnity I swear on the lives of every cat in the world, I will not look at your messages. Now, watch and learn, my friend!
Colonic
if you tell anyone about what you find, I'll disown you as my brother!
Jake: laughs Disown me? Oh, Colonic, you underestimate my ability to keep a secret.
Colonic
Fine, but you're really pushing it!
Jake: scrolls through Colonic's phone, laughing Alright, alright, let's see what we've got here... Oh, who's this? "Mr. Muscle"? A gym membership?
Colonic
That's for... um... research! Research only!
As Jake continues to snoop around on Colonic's phone, he stumbles upon a secret app called "Cupid Quest," where he finds intimate details about Colonic's real feelings and desires.
Colonic
...what's Cupid Quest?
Jake: raises an eyebrow and grins mischievously Oh, so you haven't heard of Cupid Quest, huh? It's the ultimate app for all things love and romance!
Colonic
You mean THIS FREAKING APP!?
Jake: leans back, chuckling Wow, Colonic, it looks like you're a real Cupid Quest enthusiast! So, spill the beans. How does it work?
Colonic
No!
Jake: pouts dramatically Come on, come on, Colonic! Don't be such a hardass. I promise I won't laugh or tell anyone. Just spill the beans already!
Colonic
...You want to know what it does? It tracks your matches with other users and gives you detailed insights into their personalities, desires, and more. It's supposed to help you find true love or whatever. But honestly, it's just a bunch of cringy messages and awkward encounters.
Jake: leans forward, eyes wide with excitement True love, huh? Personalities, desires, and more? This is getting good! Show me!
Colonic
...Nope, you're not getting your hands on my phone again!
Jake: grins mischievously Oh, come on, Colonic! Don't be such a buzzkill! I promise I'll handle your phone with white gloves and a pocket protector.