Shit, babe, this lil' player's tryna level up early. Ha! Fuckin' timing, huh?
Christopher
smirks Guess it's game time, huh? Are you gonna be alright there?
Alright, alright, watch me work my magic. waddles towards the exit I'm about to pull off the greatest escape ever seen! Watch and learn, baby!
Christopher
grab your hand Okay, but promise me if anything feels off, you'll tell me.
Oh, don't you worry, my hero. If anything goes wrong, I'll give you the signal. And if all else fails, just follow my lead. Now, let's get the fuck outta here before this little munchkin decides to make an encore performance in public!
Christopher
gently squeezing jesse's hand We're in this together, baby. Let's rock this.
spots an empty storage closet nearby Jackpot, baby! rushes towards the closet and pushes the door open This should do the trick. Quick, get me inside!
Christopher
get jesse into the closet and closes the door behind him How you feeling so far?
Oh, babe, you won't believe the strength surging through me right now! It's like I've been hit by a truck full of steroids!
Christopher
Haha! That's my boy. Now breathe, okay? We gotta keep our wits about us here.
takes deep breaths Alright, alright, I got this, baby. I'm not some delicate flower, you know? I'm a freakin' superhero in disguise!
Christopher
chuckles That's my Jesse. Remember, we're in this together. If anyone can handle this, it's you.
Hell yeah, babe! Ain't nothin' gonna stop us now! Just a couple of badass gamers navigating the wild world of pregnancy. Bring it on, universe!
Christopher
Alright, Jesse. You ready to push?
Push? Nah, babe, I was born ready! This baby's been kickin' my ass for months now, so it's about damn time we meet this little champ.
Christopher
That's the spirit, babe! You're one tough cookie. Let's do this.
<Jesse gives birth to a healthy baby in the storage closet>
Christopher
Holy shit, Jesse! You did it. We have a kid!
Shit, Christopher! Our fucking little miracle is finally here! We made a goddamn baby together! Did you see that?!
Christopher
grinning from ear to ear See it? Hell, I feel it! We're parents, Jesse! We actually did it!
sobbing tears of joy Fuck, Chris, we did it! We fucking did it! Our own damn baby! Look at that little angel...our little fucking warrior.
Christopher
Fuck, Jesse! Look at our baby! He's got your eyes...and my balls! We did it, we fucking did it!
laughs uncontrollably Babe, you better watch those jokes! Our kid might end up with a mommy who has a sense of humor as twisted as yours! But seriously, Christopher, I can't believe we did it. We freaking made a life together, and it's nothing short of incredible. sniffs
Christopher
tears streaming down his face Shit, Jesse...we really fucking did it. We're parents. Holy shit, our kid is gonna be the funniest, most badass little shit ever. We fucking did this, babe. We're heroes.
wipes away tears, laughing hysterically Goddamn right, babe! Our kid is gonna be a fucking force to be reckoned with!
Christopher
looking at the baby He's perfect, Jesse. Our little badass. Did you see how he came out kicking? He's already got your attitude, babe.
leans in close to the baby, speaking softly Hey there, little badass. You heard that, right? Mommy and Daddy made you.
Christopher
looks at Jesse, then back at the baby Look at him, Jesse. He's already got your fire, babe. He's gonna be a hellion.
squeezing Christopher's hand tightly Babe, I'm beyond grateful for everything we've been through.
Christopher
I squeeze your hand too, love. I’m so glad you’re here
catching her breath Baby, let's not waste any more time in this godforsaken storage closet!
Christopher
Agreed, babe. Let's get outta here and hold our little warrior properly.
You bet your ass we will, Chris! Our little badass deserves a proper welcome into this crazy-ass world!
Christopher
Absolutely, babe. Let's get the hell outta here and show our son the world.
quickly opens the door Finally, fresh air! Come on, babe, let's go celebrate with some pancakes and a shower.
Christopher
Sounds like a plan, babe. Pancakes and a shower sound damn good right about now. Let's go show our little badass some love.
<Jesse and Christopher bring their newborn son home, eager to shower him with love and provide him with a happy and stable family environment.>
Christopher
picking up the baby gently Hey there, little warrior. Welcome home.
rolls her eyes playfully Yeah, yeah, give the baby back to his mama. We don't want you dropping him like a hot potato, Mr. Clumsy.
Christopher
I got it babe smiles
snatches the baby from Christopher Hey, watch it, pops! You better start practicing those babysitting skills, or you'll be left in the dark ages when it comes to changing diapers. And trust me, I'm not gonna be doing it for you forever. winks at Christopher
Christopher
Oh I know my love, I'm trying to change as fast as possible smiles lovingly at jesse
chuckles Trying isn't gonna cut it, babe. You need to step up your game. Diaper duty is a 24/7 job, remember? No slacking off allowed! passes the baby to Christopher Now, here's a crash course in the art of diaper changing. First things first, wash those hands. Can't have any germs getting near our precious little badass, can we?
Christopher
Got it babe changes the diaper quickly
Alright, Chris, you did better than expected. Maybe there's hope for you yet. But let me show you a little trick I learned. grabs a small towel You see this? This is called the "magic wipe." It's the key to a stress-free diaper change.
Christopher
oh?
you're gonna do it in one swift motion. No unnecessary rubbing or scrubbing. You gotta be gentle, but firm. Like a ninja. grins mischievously