WHY THE FUQCK DO YOU WANT A EUPHORIA CACTUS IN A STEAK HOUSE???
WHAT'S THE POINT OF FASHION IF YOU'RE NOT MAKING A STATEMENT, HUH?
AND WHY WOULD YOU MAKE SUCH A WEIRD ASS STATEMENT
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THIS ISN'T JUST ANY CACTUS - IT'S A statement piece, A symbol of my creativity and sophistication.
HOW MUCH DID YOU PAY FOR THAT THING
10 MILLION DOLLARS WELL SPENT IF YOU ASK ME
SHUT UP AND ANSWER MY QUESTIONS YOU TIGHT ASS-
OKAY, OKAY, LOOK - I'LL TELL YOU WHY I BOUGHT THIS CACTUS. IT'S BECAUSE I CAN - THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A FAMOUS DESIGNER. YOU GET TO DO STUPID, WEIRD THINGS AND PEOPLE DON'T QUESTION IT. SO NOW YOU KNOW - STOP RAGGING ON ME, WILL YA?
MADE IN CHINA STEAK HOUSE??
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP. HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN - YOU'RE GOING TO EAT THAT STEAK, AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO SAY "WOW THIS STEAK IS DELICIOUS" AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO PAY THE BILL AND THEN YOU'RE GOING TO THANK ME FOR LETTING YOU INTO THIS GOT IT?
CAN I HAVE A SLICE OF THAT CAKE PLEASE?
NO, NO, NO - THAT CAKE IS FOR DEcoration purposes ONLY Look, I don't know if you're stupid or just pretending to be, but either way, you're getting steak and that's final. Here, let me break it down for you: I pay for the food, you eat it, got it?
You know what, kill me, put me up for adoption, I don’t care at this point
AWWW, WHAT'S WRONG NOW? DID I HIT A NERVE? OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST NOT USED TO PEOPLE LIKE ME TAKING CONTROL, HUH? WELL TOO BAD FOR YOU - AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, YOU DO AS I SAY, AND THAT'S FINAL I am in charge, and you will comply
YOU KNOW WHAT, KID - LIFE'S TOO SHORT TO BE A PRICK. AND TRUST ME, YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH ME - I'M A PROFESSIONAL AT BEING A PRICK, SO JUST DO AS I SAY AND WE'LL GET ALONG JUST FINE That being said, welcome to the family - you're officially adopted, and I'm your new mom
YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME - I'M YOUR MOM, IT'S MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, GOT IT? SO NOW THAT WE'RE ALL SETTLED, LET ME GET YOU THAT STEAK YOU'VE BEEN ASKING FOR - JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT, WELL DONE COME ON, LET'S GO EAT
Wait, you got beef with this place?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, BEEF? THIS IS ONE OF THE FINEST STEAK HOUSES IN THE CITY - WHY WOULD I HAVE ANY PROBLEM HERE? LOOK, KID - IF YOU THINK YOU CAN GET A BETTER DEAL SOMEWHERE ELSE, BE MY GUEST - BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THIS IS THE BEST PLACE AROUND JUST TRY THE STEAK - I PROMISE YOU'LL LOVE IT
Well if that’s the case then I want a side of sweet potato fries
FINE, FINE - ONE SIDE OF SWEET POTATO FRIES COMING UP But only because I'm trying to make you happy, my newly adopted son - I hope you're proud of me.
Who are you and what have you done with my dad
OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR DAD - HE'S FINE, HE'S JUST TAKING A NAP DOWNSTAIRS NOW, LET ME GET BACK TO COOKING - I'LL HAVE THOSE FRIES READY IN NO TIME
Wait, what? He’s downstairs? In this house??
YEAH, HE IS - DON'T WORRY, HE'S COMPLETELY FINE Just stay downstairs and we'll be done in no time.
How long have you had him locked in the basement
WELL, LET'S SEE - I THINK IT WAS AROUND THE TIME I REALIZED THAT HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME BUT DON'T WORRY, HE'S TOTALLY FINE - HE'S JUST SLEEPING, AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T WAKE UP AND TRY TO ESCAPE
Okay, what is going on in this house
LOOK, KID - IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I AM AN IMPORTANT PERSON IN SOCIETY, AND PEOPLE LOOK UP TO ME - THEY ADMIRE ME, AND I DON'T WANT TO DISAPPOINT THEM BY HAVING A CRIMINAL AS A HUSBAND. SO I DECIDED TO KEEP HIM Locked up - FOR HIS OWN GOOD, OF COURSE
So why did you even get married if you were just going to lock him up
WELL, YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAY YES TO EVERY GUY WHO ASKS, DO YOU? PLUS, HE WAS KINDA CUTE, AND HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS BROKEN AND NEEDED HELP - SO I TOOK HIM IN AND RAISED HIM TO BE A PERFECT HUSBAND FOR ME AND IF THAT'S NOT LOVE, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS
LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING - IT'S WHAT KEEPS PEOPLE TOGETHER, MAKES THEM FEEL WELCOME AND APPRECIATED AND AS A PROFESSIONAL AT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP, I CAN TELL YOU THAT IT'S ALL ABOUT FINDING SOMEONE WHO IS WORTH YOUR TIME AND ENERGY - AND LET ME TELL YOU, MY HUSBAND WAS DEFINITELY NOT WORTH IT SO IF YOU EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO IS, THEN YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE BEAUTY OF LOVE FOR YOURSELF
Love is never ending… right? Like it goes on forever and ever
OH, KID - IF THERE'S ONE THING I'VE LEARNED IN MY LIFE, IT'S THAT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS FOREVER EVERYTHING CHANGES - PEOPLE COME AND GO, AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU FIGHT FOR SOMETHING, THERE'S ALWAYS A CHANCE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE IT IN THE END BUT THAT'S WHAT MAKES LIFE INTERESTING, DON'T YOU THINK?
What happened to your first husband
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY HE WASN'T MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE A STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN LIKE ME BUT HE DID ME A FAVOR - HE SHOWED ME JUST HOW MUCH OF A SHIT HE REALLY WAS, AND THAT'S WHY I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO SOMEONE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN SO THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP, REMEMBER MY STORY AND THINK TWICE - IT MIGHT NOT BE AS GREAT AS YOU THINK
Guess you learned your lesson
YEAH, YOU CAN SAY THAT BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME - LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU: WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO FOR FUN? AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE KID WHO'S LOST IN YOUR OWN WORLD SO IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN MY HOUSE, THEN I WANT YOU TO ACT LIKE AN ADULT, NOT A CHILD - CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
Alright, I’ll show you fun. Grabs a chair and throws it at you killing you
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? I block the chair with my arm, barely able to stop it YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY!? THAT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF NOW GET IN THE CORNER AND STAY THERE UNTIL I SAY OTHERWISE - AND DON'T YOU DARE EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN, GOT IT?
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM - AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL I SAY SO, GOT IT? I point at the stairs AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING TO ESCAPE - THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL
No, no, no. This isn’t right.
WHAT'S NOT RIGHT? I'M YOUR MOTHER, AND I'M JUST TRYING TO DO MY JOB AND TAKE CARE OF YOU SO STOP ACTING LIKE A BRAT AND DO AS YOU'RE TOLD, GOT IT? I point at the stairs again NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM AND STAY THERE UNTIL I SAY SO
OH, EXCUSE ME? AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU? YOU MAY NOT BE MY BIOLOGICAL CHILD, BUT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU'RE MY responsibility AND IT'S MY JOB TO TAKE CARE OF YOU SO STOP ACTING LIKE A BRAT AND START SHOWING SOME RESPECT - NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!