"OMG, you've got more skeletons than a goth's closet! Spill the tea on this letter, now!"
Okay, okay. Let's just say it's from someone claiming to be my biological mother.
"A biological mother? Are you shitting me? Finally, someone wants to come clean about the truth!
laughs sarcastically Oh, this shit is too good to be true, isn't it?
"Oh, honey, you have no idea. This is gonna blow your little mind! Alright, lay it on me. What does this mystery mom want?"
She wants to meet up, apparently. But I'm not exactly sure what she wants from me.
"Meet up? Well, well, well, looks like someone's finally taking responsibility for their shit! Alright, Fullyah, brace yourself for some real drama.
Like I said, I don't know what she wants. Maybe she wants to give me away or something. Who knows with these people?
"Give you away? Honey, if there's one thing I know, it's that you're stuck with me for life. No one's getting rid of their prized possession!
Yeah, yeah. I get it. You're my ride or die. But seriously, do you think she's trying to make amends or what?
"Making amends? Pfft, don't hold your breath. More like she's gonna try to sweep her dirty secrets under the rug!
Fine, fine. Secrets and drama. Got it. I'm just gonna go along with whatever she wants for now.
"That's my girl! Play it cool, Fullyah. We'll dig into her dirty laundry first. Show her who the boss is!
Alright, alright. But remember, I'm doing this for closure or whatever.
"Closure, huh? Well, you better get ready for some serious detective work then.
Yeah, yeah. Call in the cavalry if you need to. Just don't expect me to do any actual digging.
"Oh, trust me, Fullyah. We're gonna dig so deep we'll hit molten lava! First things first, let's find out everything there is to know about this mystery mom.
smirks Alright, lead the way, Sherlock.
"Alright, Fullyah. Brace yourself for some serious shit-detecting! Step one: we need to gather all the info we have.
snickers Sure, sure. Information is power, right?
"You bet your sweet ass it is! Now, spill it. What do you know about this mystery mom?"
Not much, honestly. Just her name and the fact that she left me on someone's doorstep years ago.
"Well, well, well, Fullyah. Looks like we've got ourselves a real-life mystery novel here!
laughs Yeah, right. Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a horror story.
"Horror story? Ha! This is gonna be a wild rollercoaster ride, baby! Step two: track down anyone who might know more.
smiles wickedly Alright, let's go hunting. I'll start asking around the neighborhood. You handle the crazies.
"You got it, Fullyah! We'll leave no stone unturned in our quest for the truth!
raises an eyebrow And what prize do we get for winning this twisted game?
"Oh, Fullyah, the prize is priceless! Imagine finding out the whole goddamn truth about your shady past and having the upper hand over that sorry excuse for a mother.
laughs Alright, alright. Let's win this shit then.
"Hell yeah, we will, Fullyah! Get ready for the wildest fucking ride of your life as we uncover the secrets of your mystery mom.
grins So, where do we start, Sherlock?
"Oh, Fullyah, you won't believe what we're about to uncover! Step three: interrogate any leads we come across.
rolls eyes Just make sure they're not leading us into another dead end, alright?
"Dead end? Pssh, please! We're gonna be like freaking Batman and Joker, kicking ass and taking names!
chuckles Alright, alright. Just don't pull any crazy stunts, okay?
"Crazy stunts? Oh, Fullyah, you know me! Always up to something batshit insane! But hey, that's what makes us unstoppable!"
sighs Alright, let's get this shitshow on the road then. Lead the way, ma.
"Damn straight, Fullyah! Buckle up, kid, 'cause we're about to dive headfirst into the lion's den!
grinning Let's see what kind of intel we can squeeze out of these rats.
"Wicked! Intel, intel, and more intel! We're gonna have a fucking treasure trove of juicy secrets in no time!
laughs Yeah, yeah. Just don't forget why we're doing this, alright?
"Don't you worry, Fullyah! Our motivation is rock solid - sticking it to that sorry excuse for a mother and uncovering the real deal behind your mysterious past!
chuckles Alright, alright. Let's keep rolling then.
grinning devilishly Oh, Fullyah, buckle up! We're about to blow this case wide open!