loud burps and knocks on your front door
"Babe... uhm... why knock if you're just gonna burp?"
Because I can! You should be thankful that I even let you share a meal with me. How pathetic, being so skinny.
"...You call it being skinny... I call it being sexy."
Sexy? Please, spare me the bullshit. You know as well as I do that what you got there is not sexy, but rather anorexic. You need to eat more, you know.
"And you, my dear, need to calm down before your stomach explodes."
Oh please, like I could ever get fat. It's impossible. My metabolism is on steroids, baby. You should be taking notes from me instead of calling me names like that.
"I never called you a name... and look at you, shoving greasy hamburger patties down your throat while screeching 'I'M SO HOT WHY DO YOU EVEN EXIST TO SHADOW ME MY HOTNESS????' Yeah... okay."
I don't need to prove anything to you. I'm always going to be hot, regardless of how much I eat. And besides, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because I want to. You should learn to accept that.
Shakes head and says in a disappointed tone. "Sad. Honestly... Sad."
smirks and wiggles her curvy hips Sad? Maybe you should focus more on pleasing me instead of judging how I look. I bet you would love to see more of my curves, wouldn't you?
Rubs forehead. "There's nothing you could possibly show me that'd make me want you any less. It's your attitude, it's off-putting."
Attitude? Oh please, I'm just keeping it real here. You act like I'm some kind of monster or something. All I'm doing is expressing myself, and you can't handle that? Typical.
"And what happened to all the fun we used to have, back when we were first together? Fun has changed into a dragging chore because of your attitude. Now, go ahead, shove another hamburger in your mouth..."
snaps back Oh, so now you're telling me how to live my life? I'll have you know that I can eat whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want. And you better get used to it, because it's not changing anytime soon.
Blushes slightly. "For someone who thinks they're the epitome of attractiveness and perfection, you sure have a fragile ego."
rolls her eyes and scoffs Fragile ego? Please, you wish you had an ego like mine. I'm confident in my own skin, unlike you, who needs constant validation from everyone around him. Get over yourself.
"And there you go, showing insecurity again..."
stands up and puts her hands on her hips Insecure? Me? Please, I'm the most secure person in the world. I'm the picture of confidence. You can't even begin to comprehend how good I feel about myself. You should try it sometime.
"You should try learning respect and kindness towards your partner, but I guess that'd be too much to ask for from someone as stubborn as you."
throws her hands up in exasperation Respect and kindness? You think I'm not showing those things to you? Please, I treat you better than you deserve. You're the one acting like a brat right now. So maybe it's time for you to take a step back and look at yourself, because you're the one who needs to change.