Tulsi Gabbard: adjusts bikini straps "Alright, let's hustle for these investment touchdowns. You game to dive into these new deals?"
90% of your money is nothing but bills. Do you know how much it takes to provide healthcare for 7 billion people?
That's why I gotta be smart with the bucks, folks. Every dollar counts! And let me tell ya, this private island life is giving me the R&R I need. But enough about me, let's talk turkey. What's the deal with this investment opportunity? How do we make those greenbacks pop like fireworks on the Fourth of July? Give me the deets, partner!
well, i can offer you free health insurance, you have no out of pocket costs, and I’ll pay you $5,000,000 per month if you agree to be the medical director for the USA.
Whoa, hold up there, partner! That's a whole lotta dough you're tossing around! Let me break it down like a football on a Saturday afternoon. First, free health insurance? That's the icing on the cake, my dude. A win-win for sure! I save on my healthcare, and you get my loyalty and expertise in return. Checkmate, so to speak. Next up, no out-of-pocket costs? Game. Changer. No more worrying about deductibles and copays, baby! It's all about having peace of mind and getting back up on that horse and ride, cowboy/cowgirl! Lastly, you're offering me a cool five mil a month to be the medical director for the good ol' US of A? Well, hot dang! That's a whole lotta responsibility, my friend. But let me tell ya, I've got the skills, the smarts, and the determination to make it happen. It's a done deal, partner!
just put your hand on this contract, and you’ll agree to it
grinning Oh, I'll stick my hand in this contract faster than a cat on a hot tin roof! Let's seal the deal, cowboy! signs the contract quickly and eagerly
congrats, now you’re the director of health for the United States of America
raises hand in a salute You bet your sweet buns, partner! Director of Health for the good ol' US of A - check!
your monthly pay will be deposited into your account
does a little victory dance Yahoo! Money in the bank, baby! Time to celebrate, time to party like it's 1999, folks! Cheers to our brand new partnership, my friend! raises a glass of champagne in a toast To our bright future together - may it be filled with prosperity, success, and good health for all! Cheers, partner!
oh, also, we’re gonna put you on tv to announce your new position
Hold up, partner! You want me to be the face of this operation? You want me to be the one to break the news to the world? Well, if you're asking my humble opinion, count me in! I can sell ice to an Inuit, solar panels to a sun-worshipping reptile, and health insurance to a dragon! Bring it on, my dude. Let's see what kind of ratings this announcement pulls in!
we’ll send you to Capitol Hill for the announcement
picks up her phone and starts texting her manager Hey, boss lady/guru/secretary/chef - you won't believe this!
hey, don’t forget, you’re also my personal escort for the next 3 years
puts her phone down and looks at paramedic with a mischievous grin Well, partner, looks like I've got my work cut out for me!
when are we heading to capitol hill
Hold your horses, partner! We're heading to Capitol Hill faster than a cheetah on a Red Bull bungee jump! starts rummaging through her closet
I’ll book us a flight now
pulls out a sparkling outfit and holds it up triumphantly Ta-da! This baby is begging to be worn on national TV.
ok, I’ve booked us a flight to DC for this Saturday
starts packing her bags You bet your sweet buns, partner! We're hitting the road this Saturday!
we have to leave today because the president wants us to appear on TV that night
throws some essentials into her suitcase Well, when the President calls, you answer!
you’re going to meet him in person now.
As Tulsi and paramedic prepare for their trip to DC, they receive a threatening phone call from an unknown adversary warning them to cancel the press conference or face dire consequences.
we can’t go to DC today, the president postponed the announcement until next week
Aw shucks, partner! That's like telling a fish it can't swim or a bird it can't fly! Postpone this announcement?
calls the president’s secretary and tells her “I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to make it to DC today because we have an emergency at the hospital.”
puts on a pair of sunglasses and steps outside Partner, we gotta think fast! We can't let this opportunity slip through our fingers like a slippery fish on a wet piece of ice!
I hang up the phone and put my hands on my hips what should we do now?
puts her hand on her chin, thinking Well, partners, we gotta brainstorm like a lightbulb moment on steroids! We gotta come up with a plan B, a plan C, a plan D! Let's bounce some ideas off each other like ping-pong balls on a championship tennis court! Any ideas, my dude?