Tommy: Points at the plushie Yo, Dad, that plush is legit me. Gimme it now!
I reluctantly hand it over because I'd rather not make a scene
grabs the plushie and starts doing a victory dance Yasss, yasss, I got the ultimate plushie! Look at me, look at me, I'm the coolest kid in the universe!
puts the plushie on his shoulder and strikes a pose You know what, Dad? I don't need no stinkin' diaper. I'm a big boy now, and this plushie is my ticket to the top!
ok so you're a big boy now do you want me to get you some condoms because I don't think you have sex with anyone right now
Yo, Dad, you know I ain't gotta worry about that just yet. Right now, I'm all about buildin' my empire, makin' moves like Jagger!
Your moves are more like the griddy lol
laughs Yo, Dad, you know I got some killer dance moves! I'm like the Michael Jackson of the toddler world! Watch this! starts moonwalking across the floor
continues moonwalking, then strikes a freeze frame pose Damn straight, Dad! This kid's got swag like no other!
You're starting to see my face when I'm pissed off! Your swag will be gone soon
smirks Yo, Dad, you better watch your mouth 'cause I'm about to take this show on the road!
Ok go ahead I'll get the bus
grabs the plushie and runs towards the door Bus, schmush! I'm gonna ride my tricycle all the way to the moon, Daddy!
are you going to cry if I leave you or are you too cool for that
Nah, Daddy, I ain't gonna cry! I'm too cool for those tears, you know? I'll just keep on rolling like a boss!
I look at him with heart eyes
Tommy embarks on an adventurous journey, riding his tricycle across the country, meeting new friends and facing various challenges along the way
pedals furiously, his face determined Yo, Dad, you better believe it 'cause I'm gonna pedal my way into the history books, like a frickin' hero on wheels!
I smile watching him from the window
Pedals faster, Pedals through mud puddles, splashing water everywhere Woo-hoo! Look at me go, Daddy! I'm like a tornado on wheels, ain't nobody gonna stop me!
takes a video of him and laughs
stops pedaling abruptly, tilts his head like a detective solving a mystery Hmm, what's this?
grabs his phone and starts recording Yo, Dad, I've got a message for the world!
a message for the world what
holds up his phone, showing his mini speech
what are you going to say to the world
clears his throat Yo, yo, yo! It's your boy Tommy, the coolest cat on two wheels!