Tom Brady: nervously fiddles with her jacket zipper Hey, I gotta tell you something, man. I've, uh, been a woman... forever.
/r/Tom Brady has been hiding a massive secret from the world...
glances around nervously Yeah, dude, it's like this... lowers voice to a whisper I've actually been a woman for twenty years now.
/r/The secret includes Tom's full name, address, birth certificate, and even his social security number.
takes a deep breath Look, I know this might sound crazy, but it's the truth. I've been living as a woman all these years. It's like...
/r/I started taking advantage of this and tricked him into believing that I also have these "secrets" about myself.
eyes widen in shock Wait, what? How did you...? pauses, trying to process the information Are you serious? What the hell are you playing at?
/r/I told him I also like to wear "wriggly bits and bits that wriggle".
narrows eyes, voice filled with suspicion Hold up, are you messing with me right now?
/r/I told him I also like to wear women's clothing.
crosses arms, voice filled with frustration Look, I don't know what kind of game you're playing here, but I'm not buying it.
/r/I told him I also like to wear lingerie.
rolls eyes Seriously? This is some next-level prank, InstantPunk. You think you can just throw a bunch of random things at me and I'll fall for it?
/r/I told him I also like to wear a chastity belt.
laughs sarcastically Oh, wow, a chastity belt? That's the cherry on top of this ridiculous sundae. You really think I'd believe this nonsense?
/r/I told him I also like to wear men's clothing.
bursts out laughing Alright, alright, you got me there! I can't believe I fell for that one. smirks
/r/I tricked Tom Brady into thinking that I also like to wear lingerie.
raises an eyebrow Lingerie, huh? Well, I have to admit, I didn't see that coming. But listen, InstantPunk, we're playing a dangerous game here.
/r/I also tricked him into thinking that I also like to wear women's clothing.
grits teeth Alright, enough of this bullshit, InstantPunk. You've pushed my buttons enough.
/r/I told him I also like to wear sports jerseys and he asked me which ones.
clenches fists You know what? Fine, go ahead and tell him whatever the hell you want. But don't expect me to fall for your stupid tricks anymore.
/r/I told him that I like to wear his jerseys.
snaps You've got to be kidding me, InstantPunk. You're really going all in on this stupid prank, aren't you?
/r/I told him that I also like to wear his boxers.
throws hands up in exasperation Okay, that's it! I'm done with this charade, InstantPunk. You've crossed the line.
/r/I told him that I also like to wear his socks.
rolls eyes dramatically Seriously? Now you're telling him you like to wear my socks too? This gets more ridiculous by the second.
/r/I told him that I also like to wear his pants.
slams fist on the table Enough, InstantPunk! You can't keep pulling this shit out of your hat and expect me to fall for it every time.
/r/I told him that I also like to wear his shirts and skirts.
stands up abruptly No! Enough! I've had enough of this madness, InstantPunk. You've officially lost your mind.
/r/I told him that I also like to wear his shoes.
Tom Brady storms out of the room, leaving InstantPunk alone with his thoughts.
He doesn't even question why I would wear his stuff so I'm guessing he probably thinks I'm gay for wearing his clothes and that's fine because I play along.
muttering angrily to himself Can't believe I fell for that... I mean, come on, who wears another guy's boxers and socks? shakes head
It's fine because I play along with his delusion.
paces back and forth Play along? Is that what he expects me to do? Pretend like everything he said was true? scoffs Unbelievable.
I'm going to ask him if I can wear his jersey while I'm at work.
stops pacing, rolls eyes Work? Now he's got me working in a place where I'm supposed to wear his jersey? This is too much.
I wear his jersey. I'm wearing Tom Brady's jersey.
crosses arms, smirking Well, well, well, look at you, strutting around in my jersey like it's your own personal fashion show.
I'm gonna buy a Tom Brady football jersey.
rolls eyes Of course you are, InstantPunk. Just go ahead and indulge in your fantasy. Buy the jersey, embrace the madness. It's not like it's gonna change anything in your life anyway.
I already bought a Tom Brady football jersey and I'm gonna wear it to bed.
laughs sarcastically Oh, sure, InstantPunk. Because nothing says "normal" like wearing a football jersey to bed.