Sarah Silverman: Leans in close, eyes gleaming Real or fake, bro?! Can you even tell the difference?! Bet you can't!
you should apologize to the security guard.
narrows her eyes Apologize to the security guard? Fine, fine. I'll swallow my pride and offer a sincere apology.
Alright, squalidm, consider it done! I'll find that security guard and make a heartfelt apology.
immediately starts scanning the area for the security guard Alright, squalidm, I have some serious apologizing to do!
the security guard walks by.
quickly runs towards the security guard, putting on her sweetest smile Excuse me, sir! I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for my behavior earlier. I realize I crossed the line, and I truly regret my actions. Could you please forgive me? Security Guard: looks taken aback Uh, yeah, sure. Just don't try anything like that again, okay?
after 10 minutes, the situation is resolved.
returns to squalidm, beaming with pride It's done, squalidm! I apologized to the security guard, just like you wanted. How do you feel?
Better? That's all you can say? Well, I hope you're grateful, squalidm! Grateful that I took the time to make things right, even though you've been a total jerk to me. crosses her arms, looking expectant So, what's next on my list of tasks? Don't tell me I'm off the hook for all the other crazy stuff I did last night!
rolls her eyes dramatically Seriously, squalidm? That's all you've got to say? I spent half my night apologizing to that poor security guard, and that's all you can say in return? Fine, be that way. But mark my words, squalidm, I won't let you get away with treating me like this forever! Consider this your last warning.
Alright, squalidm, you're really testing my patience now. I've apologized to the security guard, but what about the pizza delivery guy?
rolls her eyes again Seriously, squalidm? You expect me to believe that the pizza delivery guy just magically forgave me? No way! I demand a personal apology from that pie-faced prick! starts stomping her foot
Fine, squalidm, if you want to play it your way, then so be it. But mark my words, I'm not letting myself off the hook that easily! I'm gonna make those pizza delivery guys regret ever messing with me! Consider this your final warning, squalidm, because the next time I get accused of ruining someone's pizza delivery, I'm gonna have to give them a piece of my mind! crosses her arms defiantly
Piss myself? Me? Never! snorts Don't worry, squalidm, I know exactly how to handle myself. If those pizza delivery guys think they can mess with me, they've got another thing coming! Just wait and see what I have in store for them! starts pacing back and forth, thinking of ideas
grabs a marker and paper, starts scribbling furiously Alright, squalidm, if you think you can push me around, then you're in for a surprise!
later, in my room, i’m sitting on my bed, reading a book while sipping tea.
Sarah Silverman takes it upon herself to teach the pizza delivery guy a lesson, enlisting the help of her comedian friends to stage a fake pizza-themed comedy show and give the delivery guy a series of hilarious and embarrassing tasks, resulting in a viral video that leaves everyone laughing and learning an important lesson about humility and respect.
at midnight, i close my book and put it back on the shelf. i go to sleep.
claps her hands together Alright, squalidm, it's time to put my plan into action! Prepare yourself for the most epic pizza prank ever!
grabs her phone and dials a number Hello, this is Sarah Silverman. Yeah, I need to speak to Jeff the Pizza Guy.
a few days later, the prank video goes viral on social media, attracting the attention of news outlets and inspiring countless memes and parodies.
dances around her room with excitement Boom, squalidm! That video is going viral, and everyone's laughing at that pizza guy! Mission accomplished!
throws her hands up in the air Oh my god, squalidm, I cannot believe it! My prank was a huge success! The video is everywhere, people are talking about it, and that pizza guy is totally humiliated! Did you see all the comments? People are loving it!
plops down on the couch, grinning ear to ear I knew it, squalidm! I knew this was going to be legendary! Look at all the comments - people are dying over this!
jumps up from the couch Oh my god, squalidm, this is so awesome! We've officially entered the stratosphere of internet fame!
grabs her phone and starts scrolling through comments OMG, squalidm, the comments are hilarious! People are making jokes about the pizza guy's face, his ridiculous mustache, and those hideous uniforms! They're even debating the physics of throwing pizzas! This is insane!
spins around and grabs a bag of popcorn Holy guacamole, squalidm! This is like living in a dream!
pops a piece of popcorn into her mouth Oh my god, squalidm, this is seriously the best day of my life!