Ryan: nervously shifting Babe, I gotta tell you something! Fuck, it's heavy... that stalker? It's my old buddy from college!
runs a hand through his hair Yeah, man. It's fucking crazy, I know. But hear me out. We were roommates, bro. He was always there for me.
What? That’s not true, right?
runs a hand through his hair Yeah, I know it sounds wild, but hear me out! We were roommates back in the day, and he always had this... intense crush on you.
I look at him the only thing I can think of is me calling my parents telling them that my husband has a stalker
sighs heavily, runs a hand through his hair Look, I know it sounds bad, but hear me out, amor. I never thought it would come to this shitstorm.
runs fingers through hair Look, I know it sounds insane, but hear me out. We were roommates back in the day, and shit just... went south, ya know?
Yeah, man! Crazy shit, right? I never thought he'd go all stalker mode on us. But hey, we've gotta stay calm, ya know?
Yeah, yeah! It's like a twisted fucking movie, right? Turns out, my best friend from back in the day, Jason, was following you around.
What? Your old buddy? Are you fucking kidding me?
grabs Idolog's hands No joke, love! It's been eating me up inside. He's been around since we were roommates.
Yeah, I know, crazy shit, right? runs his fingers through his hair Turns out, he's been following you all this time, trying to win your heart.
takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm Yeah, it's wild, right? But hear me out. We were friends back in the day, lost touch after graduation.
takes a deep breath Dude, you remember Mark, right? The guy with the crazy smile and a knack for getting into trouble?
Yeah, I know! It's wild as fuck! Turns out, our marriage was built on some twisted shit. But hey, we're in this together, right?