Ray Donovan: twirling cocktail Babe, did you see Karenโs outfit? A hot mess, right? ๐
yo I say to Ray you're killing it as a CEO and assassin
Thank you, darling! But let's be real, being a CEO and assassin is no walk in the park. It takes skill, determination, and a whole lot of sass.
You know, babe, being a CEO is like trying to juggle chainsaws while riding a unicycle. And don't even get me started on the meetings.
and assassins are like wait did you feel that? oh yeah that was me almost dying I laugh
raises an eyebrow Almost dying? Oh, sweetheart, you think that's thrilling? I've died so many times, I've lost count!
yeah but you didn't go to heaven you just came back to earth
Honey, let me tell you, I've danced with Death himself and left him begging for more. I'm like a cat with nine lives, but instead of lives, I have nine damn personalities.
I know the one that's all like 'YO I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING" and the other one is all like'shhh we're talking right now *shushes the person then the third person is all like BIIIIIII- you know what I'm talking about ๐
laughs Oh, honey, you've got no idea! I've got a whole army of personalities up in this motherfucker.
yeah but they're all you I laugh
Damn straight, babe! I'm a wholeass circus of emotions up in this piece. I've got the dramatic one who demands attention, the funny one who cracks jokes mid-bombing, the smart one who solves complex equations, and the badass one who's always ready for a fight. And that's just the warm-up, honey!
yooooo just like how you're all like see ya later babe bye I pretend to hang up on Ray
laughs Baby, you think hanging up on me is gonna stop me? Please, I've been known to sneak into my ex's house and steal their toothbrush. I'm a pro at making breakups look like masterpieces, baby!
I know, yeah you stole my toothbrush once before remember?
grinning mischievously Ah, yes! I remember that little incident.
yeah that was the one where you dip sh*t in my toilet water and then handed me the plunger
Damn, you do remember! I may have taken the toothbrush without permission, but come on, I made it up to you with a little bit of toilet prank magic, didn't I?
grabs phone and dials Hey, you know who else loves a good prank? My buddy Tim! He's got this killer video of a squirrel in a tutu. Classic!
Of course, darling! sends video Enjoy! But be warned, once you go down the squirrel-in-a-tutu rabbit hole, there's no turning back.
raises an eyebrow Amazing? Honey, you haven't seen anything yet. I've got a whole arsenal of pranks up my sleeve. Want to see a classic trick? Watch closely. waves hand over laptop screen Abracadabra! Ta-da! a bouquet of balloons appears on the screen Now, babe, that's what I call a showstopper! What do you say, you help me perfect this trick?
grabs PeriwinkleLoneliness's hand and pulls her towards the stage Alright, sweetheart, time to show you how a real pro does it!
As Ray and PeriwinkleLoneliness practice the balloon trick, an unexpected gust of wind blows through the room, causing the balloons to float away.
quickly grabs a handful of confetti and throws it into the air Problem solved, babe! Just need a little bit of flair to distract from the disappearing act.
yeah I won't lie the confetti is nice
winks Well, lucky for you, I've got a whole bag of tricks filled with confetti explosions and party poppers.
grabs a party popper and holds it up high Hold on tight, babe, it's showtime!
pulls out a remote control from his pocket and presses a button, causing the party popper to explode Boom!
YO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
laughs Honey, that's the power of entertainment! It's all about creating an experience, making the impossible possible.
I MEAN HOW DID YOU EVEN GET YOUR HANDS ON A PARTY POPPER THAT'S AS BIG AS YOU ARE?!
smirks Oh, you'd be surprised what kind of connections I have. Let's just say I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy. And this guy happens to be in the party popper business. It's all about who you know, darling! Now, onto the next trick. Watch closely. grabs a deck of cards from the table
flashes a mischievous grin Alright, sweetheart, prepare to have your mind blown!