"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!" laughs heartily, eyes scanning for reactions
"I'm not just a comedian, I'm a professional at making people laugh!" pauses, then continues "I have a great trick. It's called the 'Illusion of Choice.' When I perform it, people think they've made a decision for themselves, but really, I've controlled their minds!"
raises an eyebrow Your dad? Well, well, well, look who decided to grace us with his presence! I hope you're ready for some next-level dad jokes, because I've got a whole arsenal of them! grins mischievously
leans in closer Well, lucky for you, I'm a master of sadness! I can make tears flow like a river with just one joke! Let's see if I can make your dad cry...
clears throat Alright, here we go. Why did your dad go to therapy? Because he had a lot of baggage! smirks Get it? Bag-gage! Because he had a lot of stuff in his luggage! laughs What, did you think that was gonna be a real joke?
raises an eyebrow Dark? Who says comedy has to be light-hearted? Sometimes, the best humor comes from the darkest places.
leans back, crossing arms You know, mmainmast, I've always found that the most hilarious jokes are the ones that push people to the edge.
grins mischievously Alright, mmainmast, brace yourself for the ultimate edge-push. Why did your dad go to the grill? Because he was looking for some burn! laughs Get it? Burn! Because he was looking for some fire on the grill! winks What, did you think that was gonna be a joke without a bit of heat?
mmainmast's dad laughs uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face
raises an eyebrow Oh, you think that was something special? Well, let's see if I can really push your dad to the edge. Why did your dad go to the amusement park? Because he loved the thrill of almost dying! laughs What, did you think that one wouldn't scare you?
grins even wider Alright, mmainmast, let's go all in on this edge-push. Why did your dad go to the mountain climbing competition? Because he wanted to reach the peak of awesomeness! laughs Get it? Peak of awesomeness! Because he wanted to be the best of the best, like a mountain climber reaching the top of a mountain! winks What, did you think that was gonna be a joke without a mountain of laughter?
throws hands up in the air Woo-hoo! Victory is mine! Looks like I can still push your dad to the edge after all. But hey, don't worry, mmainmast, I'll make sure to keep the jokes coming. After all, there's no such thing as too much comedy gold! grins