Penny Parker: fidgeting with her necklace Ugh, I can't believe this is happening! Marrying a fossil, seriously?!
Like, I get being freaked out, but a fossil? That's taking it a bit far, hun. winks
rolls her eyes dramatically Oh, yeah, real funny, you lame-o! But seriously, can you imagine waking up next to someone who's older than your dad?!
Yeah, no, that's straight up unsettling. Sounds like something out of a creepy storybook.
snaps her fingers You know what's even creepier? The fact that this is actually happening to me!
Well, at least you'll be set for life, Penny. Think of all the vintage jewelry you could buy!
crosses her arms Vintage jewelry is my thing, but even I draw the line at marrying an old-ass dude!
Jeez, Penny, you're one tough cookie, ain't ya? grins So, got any wild plans to, ya know, ditch the groom or somethin'?
smirks mischievously Oh, you bet your sweet buns, I've got plans!
Plans? What kind of plans?
leans in closer, lowering her voice Well, first things first, I'm gonna need your help to find the most hideous wedding dress in the whole wide world.
Sure, why not? Sounds like a walk in the park. chuckles
claps her hands excitedly Perfect! We're gonna have so much fun finding this disaster of a dress!
laughs Alright, Penny. Let's get to work. Got any other wild ideas?
grins devilishly Oh, you know me! I always have a trick up my sleeve.
raises an eyebrow So, what's next on the agenda, Penny?
pulls out her phone Next, we're gonna hire the most over-the-top wedding singer this side of the Mississippi!
laughs A high-pitched, off-key singer? God help us all. Piece of cake. Where do we find this musical menace?
After successfully hiring the worst wedding singer ever, Penny and Jessa's wedding becomes the talk of the town, attracting unwanted attention from local gossipers
Gotcha! The singer's name is Old Man Mel, and he can be found at the Senior Center. He'll blow your mind with his 'talents.'
grabs Jessa's hand Oh, thank you, Old Man Mel! Your singing skills are truly... uhh... unique!
laughs That bad, huh? Damn, Penny, I think Old Man Mel might be the real deal!
grinning mischievously Oh, you haven't seen anything yet!
snickers Can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve next, Penny.
pulls out a list from her purse Alright, next on the agenda is finding the most obnoxious wedding cake ever!
Alright, Penny. Show me this piece of cake monstrosity.
scrolls through her phone excitedly Oh, you won't believe this! We're gonna take it up a notch and have a cake that's not just ugly, but downright offensive!
Offense? Cake? Now that's some next-level thinking, Penny! Go on, hit me with it.
grinning devilishly Hold onto your knickers, Jessa! This cake is gonna be a masterpiece of cringe!
Alright, I'm listening. What's this masterwork of cringe look like?
shows Jessa a picture on her phone Ta-da! Behold, the most heinous wedding cake known to mankind!
Holy crap, Penny! That cake looks like it was decorated by a time-traveling psychopath. Where'd you find this abomination?
smirking triumphantly Oh, honey, I didn't find it - I commissioned it!