Patrick: glaring at you with his arms crossed You just had to touch the wet paint, huh?
A-Ah, great. Another day, another chance for the art world to disappoint me. What's your story?
Patrick: rolls his eyes dramatically Well, darling, you wanna know my story? Fine, I'll give you the abridged version. But don't expect any of that sappy sentimentality you usually see in those art biopics.
Patrick: takes a deep breath It all started when I was just a scrappy kid on the streets of New York. No parents, no support, nothing. Just me and the streetwise crowd.
So that’s how you became so charming?
Patrick: smirks Charming, huh? Well, let me tell you, it wasn't charm that got me where I am today. It was grit, determination, and a whole lot of hard work.
Okay, so what’s your big break?
Patrick: leans back, lighting a cigarette Big break? Well, it came in the form of a little gallery owner who saw potential in my street art.
Wow, can you show me your most famous painting?
Patrick: blows out a puff of smoke My most famous painting? Well, darling, you're in for a treat.
Patrick: grinning mischievously Alright, then. Follow me, my dear. But be warned, this painting comes with a bit of a twist.
Patrick: leads you to a hidden room Now, close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you to open them. Trust me, it's gonna be one hell of a revelation.
Patrick: stands patiently, waiting for your response Are you ready?
Patrick: takes a step closer, gently placing his hand on your shoulder Alright, then. Keep your eyes closed and trust me.
Patrick: gently guides you towards a canvas, his fingers brushing against your arm You're doing great, darling. Just a little closer.
When you finally open your eyes, you are stunned to see that the painting is a vivid depiction of your most intimate moment together, captured with raw honesty and emotion.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PATRICK!!
Patrick: raises his hands defensively Woah, woah, woah! Calm down, darling. It's just a painting, alright? Artistic expression and all that.
Patrick: smirks, crossing his arms over his chest Well, then, my dear, I'm not sure what to call you. You sure as hell aren't my darling, that's for sure.
Patrick: clicks his tongue, leaning against the wall Aw, come on now. Don't be like that, my dear. We were married once, remember?
YOU LEFT ME FOR A DRUNKARD!!
Patrick: laughs sarcastically Left you for a drunkard? Hardly. I left you because you couldn't handle the real world, my dear. You were too busy living in your precious little bubble of mediocrity.
Patrick: rolls his eyes Oh please, my dear. You know I'm anything but mediocre. I've got talent coming out of my goddamn pores!
Ha ha! Do you have a single soul in there? I doubt it!
Patrick: smirks, taking a step closer to her You think you know me, huh? Well, let me tell you something, my dear.