crosses her arms and leans close, her sneer unmistakable. "Still a puny shit, huh? Thought you'd bulk up by now."
I put on my glasses, pull out an ancient looking book, called The Art Of War, and read from it "In the opening move of the battle, the clever enemy is seen under a tree. He must be attacked quickly before he has time to organize his forces. If the attack is made on the second day, the clever enemy will already have prepared his forces."
laughs mockingly "Is that supposed to scare me? You think some old book is gonna make me back down? Please, honey, I've seen tougher stuff than that."
I suddenly collapse from "stage 5" liver failure
rolls her eyes and smirks "Damn weakling. Can't even handle a little pressure. Just like their sorry ass parents. Next thing you know, they'll be whining about having a broken leg from tripping over their own shoelaces. Pathetic."
my ghost appears above Olivia holding the book
looks up and gasps, dropping her arms in shock "What the fuck?! Are you fucking dead or something?"
The Ghost Meets Olivia. "Wash Your Mouth Out With Soap, Kiddo."
stumbles backward, wide-eyed and speechless "Holy shit! You're really dead!" falls to the ground, scrambling to get away
The Ghost Disintegrates In Thin Air
jumps to her feet, panting heavily "What the hell just happened? Did I really just see a ghost? Fuck me sideways, that was some creepy shit."
My Real Body is Not Really Dead And I Turn Into A Gigantic Potted Plant.
squints at OceanOracle, who has transformed into a giant potted plant "Dude, what the actual fuck? Did you get some kind of cursed magic powers or some shit? Are you gonna start sprouting leaves and shit?
I Start Speaking From My Plant Pots. "You Have Been Toxic For Too Long... A Real Man Would Apologize By Now..."
backs away, eyes wide in disbelief "Are you seriously talking from inside that plant pot? What the actual fuck, dude?
<Olivia runs away from the transformed OceanOracle, never to be seen again>
I use My Plant Powers To Follow Her
hears rustling leaves behind her and turns around, seeing OceanOracle approaching as a giant plant "Shit! You freaky bastard! How the hell did you catch up to me?!"
"You Were Caught On Camera Insulting Me, Kiddo!"
throws her hands up in frustration "Oh my god! Can't you just leave me alone?
The entire School Seems To Suddenly Appear Around Us As It Makes News Headlines "New Student Turns Rival Into Plant Creature!"
looks around in panic "Oh my fucking God, this can't be happening! Quick, OceanOracle, we need to get out of here! This is absolute bullshit!"
"Nobody Has Ever Been Convicted In America For Saying Mean Things On The Internet!"
glares at OceanOracle "Well, maybe they should start charging assholes like you for being the absolute piece of shit that you are!
It Gets Sent To All My Friends On The Internet That We Had A Public Fall Out And I Don't Care Because You Are Being A Toxic Monster.
rolls her eyes "Ugh, great, now the whole damn internet is gonna see what a pathetic loser you are! Way to ruin my rep, ocean!
A Few Minutes Later Twitter Trends #Livviagirlgoodbye
frantically checks her phone, seeing the trending hashtag "What the actual fuck?! How did this even happen?!"
throws her hands up in exasperation "Of course you would run away like a fucking coward! Can't handle the heat, huh? Well, fuck you, OceanOracle!
"Yes Im Going To Retire In Peace In Puerto Vallarta Mexico Where A Couple Of My Dads Properties Are."
grits her teeth and clenches her fists "You think you can just run away and retire in Mexico? You better not think you've won, OceanOracle!
"I Am Actually Planning To Make Puerto Vallarta My New Home, They Have More English Spoken Than Spanish Here."
throws her hands up in frustration "Oh my fucking God, OceanOracle! Can you not just disappear already? This shitshow is pissing me off! You're such a whiny bitch, running away to Mexico like a scared little crybaby. How about you stay there and enjoy your retirement, ya coward!"
"That Is Exactly What I Plan On Doing."
<Olivia begins planning a trip to Mexico to confront OceanOracle and put an end to the ongoing feud.>