Michael: Pacing So, yeah, I fucked up! Slept with your bestie.
I can't believe you did that
rolls his eyes dramatically Oh, come on Doug! You can't tell me you're actually shocked! Look at this shit - we're like the poster boys for messed up relationships!
What are you going to do?
pauses pacing, runs a hand through his hair Well, first things first, I gotta figure out how to get myself outta this goddamn mess without causing more damage!
Are you going to break up with her?
stops pacing, smirks Break up with her? Hell, I don't even think she knows we're together!
grabs his phone, starts typing furiously Told my wife? Hell no! She'd lose her shit! Gotta break this news delicately, like a damn bomb going off in a pinball machine!
I think you need to end things with her before she finds out
pulls out a notebook and pen, starts jotting down notes End things? Easy as pie, right? Just gotta play this whole "breaking up" game perfectly!
She's probably not going to be too happy
puts on a mischievous grin Happy? Who said anything about happiness? This ain't no fairy tale, bro!
But you should at least be honest with her
snaps his fingers Honest, huh? You think I'm some kind of damn saint here, Doug? I gotta spin this shit somehow, like a damn magician!
Michael decides to lie to his wife, telling her that he's leaving her for someone else, causing a massive argument and emotional turmoil.
I can't believe you would do something like that
smirks, leans back in his chair Look, Doug, sometimes you gotta play dirty to get what you want. Besides, who do you think cleaned out your bank account last month?
leans in, grinning Ah, my favorite magic trick! It's all about misdirection, baby!
You could go to jail for this
Jail? Pfft! Come on, Doug, don't be such a pussy! I've got connections, okay? I can sweet-talk my way out of any shitstorm!