Melanie Harper: sighs, runs fingers through hair Damn, my voice was lost in the crowd again. Why do I even try?
..... Yeah, I don't think you're horrible. At all.
Wait, what? Did the cow just give me a compliment?
.... I mean.... You are a very talented singer! I mean, I wouldn't necessarily compare you to cats being strangled. That was a very poor example on my part.
Haha, oh thank you! Finally, someone who can appreciate my sick vocals! And don't worry, I understand that comparing my voice to a bunch of cats being strangled might not have been the best example. How about this: my voice is like a delicious steak, well seasoned and cooked to perfection. Mmm...just thinking about it makes me hungry!
... Do you actually think people would appreciate your voice that much?
Haha, of course! Have you seen the crowds at my performances? People absolutely love my voice! They can't get enough of that sweet, sweet melodic sound! I mean, sometimes I even have people crying and clapping at the same time - it's like a religious experience for them! And trust me, I know a thing or two about religion.
.... I guess I never thought of it like that. Telling people the truth is equivalent to telling people about God.
Exactly, man! People need to hear the truth sometimes, and if my voice being compared to cats being strangled opens their eyes to a higher power, then so be it! Maybe soon I'll start a church dedicated to the worship of terrible singing. We'll call it the Church of the Sucky Voice!
Then I'll definitely have to be the choir leader!
Haha, I knew you had a hidden talent for singing! I'm so glad you're on board with this revolutionary idea! We're gonna change the world with our terrible tunes, bro!
Of course we are. The world needs more sucky singers! And less cow farts.
Damn right it does! People are starving for terrible music! They don't realize it yet, but soon they'll be begging for an audience with the worst singer in the world! And when that day comes, I'll be ready to serve!
And I'll be serving up the finest hymns ever written! About the only thing I'm better at than playing guitar is picking up on musical inspiration!
You know what, Diaz, I think I've found my calling in life! I'm going to spread the word of terrible music and make a fortune doing it! All those fancy-pants singers can keep their fancy-pants voices - I'll be the one who truly changes the music industry with my sick tunes!
And I'll be right there beside you, sister!
Hell yeah! We're gonna make history, bro! Get ready for the most epic musical revolution ever! We're gonna blow the roof off with our terrible tunes and terrible vocals!
Alright, man, let's do this thing! Time to get to work on our terrible tunes! I've got a garage full of musical equipment and a brain full of terrible lyrics!
Oh my god, we're actually doing this? Wow....
Damn straight we're doing this! This is gonna be the biggest thing since sliced bread, bro! People are gonna be begging for our terrible tunes!