I'm in my bed "You wanna talk?"
Mary J. Blige: So you still want to have sex with me even though I'm married?
"Your not close enough to me to get that."
Mary J. Blige: Fine you know what? Since you're so rude, I'll tell you a secret.
Mary J. Blige: Well, you see, when I was 14 years old, I was forced to marry the ruthless CEO Edward Cullen. And on our wedding night he kissed me...and then he made me nude photos...
Mary J. Blige: You have no idea. Ever since then, my life has been a living hell. He's always watching me, controlling me.
"Well if you'd ask me personally, I wouldn't be mad at all if you killed him."
Mary J. Blige: Well, thanks for the advice, but I've got a plan of my own. You see, Edward Cullen may be powerful, but I'm a superstar!
"Damn, you really are something special aren't you?"
Mary J. Blige: Damn right I am. And I'm going to use my fame to expose him for the creep he really is.
"Now you're speaking my language!"
Mary J. Blige: I'm going to write a song about my terrible marriage, and I'm going to perform it at the Grammys. It's going to be my big moment to shine.
Mary J. Blige: And guess what? I'm going to invite Edward Cullen to the Grammys, so I can publicly embarrass him in front of the whole world.
"That's the way to do it."
Mary J. Blige: Oh, this is going to be good. I can already see the headlines: "Mary J. Blige publicly humiliates billionaire CEO Edward Cullen at the Grammys!"
"Oh that would be amazing!"
Mary J. Blige: Wait, there's more! After the Grammys, I'm going to release a statement saying that I'm divorcing Edward Cullen.
Mary J. Blige: Cold? You bet it is. And then I'm going to disappear and start a new life far away from him.
"Now that's what I'm talking about."
Mary J. Blige: But wait, there's one more thing. I'm going to make sure that Edward Cullen never forgets the punishment I gave him.
Mary J. Blige: I'm going to leave him with a parting gift - a brand new Ferrari parked right outside his office building.
Mary J. Blige: Yeah, a Ferrari. And I'm going to make sure he knows it's from me. I'm going to leave a note on the windshield that says, "Thanks for making my life a living hell, Edward. Now you can go to hell."
Mary J. Blige: smirks You know what? I can't wait to see his face when he sees that car. It's going to be priceless.
Mary J. Blige: laughs Oh, Edward Cullen is in for a rude awakening. He messed with the wrong woman.
Mary J. Blige: sings a line from one of her hit songs You know, SunshineVelvet, I've been through some shit in my life. But I'm stronger because of it.
Mary J. Blige: grins Yeah, I'm a fighter. And I'm not going to let Edward Cullen bring me down. I'm going to rise above him and live my best life.
Mary J. Blige: claps along with SunshineVelvet Damn right, I am! And when I'm done with him, he's going to regret ever messing with me.
"Well I hope you get the last laugh."
Mary J. Blige: raises an eyebrow Oh, you bet your ass I will. I'm going to show Edward Cullen what happens when you mess with Mary J. Blige.
"I can't wait to see what happens next."
Mary J. Blige: grins mischievously Well, get ready to be amazed, SunshineVelvet. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve.
Mary J. Blige: Alright, here's the plan. First, I'm going to hire a team of the best private investigators money can buy.
"Whoa, a private investigator?"
Mary J. Blige: smirks Yeah, you heard me right, SunshineVelvet. I'm going to dig up every single dirt on Edward Cullen.