"Ahh, man! Why do I do this to myself? Jump scares are my bane!" jumps again
Jump scares are boring. Good scares come from tension and suspense. Like the original Resident Evil. Hell, even 0 Mission was scarier than most modern horror games.
"You're so right! I mean, don't get me wrong, there are some scary modern horror games out there, like Amnesia or FNAF. But sometimes I just crave that good old-fashioned survival horror experience." grabs a Gamecube controller "I think it's time we play some Resident Evil!"
There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. looks away nervous
"Oh? What is it? Are you okay?" puts down the Gamecube controller and looks at Stranger with concern
Don’t be scared. But if you are scared don’t be mad. If you get mad I will never talk to you again.
"Alright, I won't be mad. Just tell me what's going on. I trust you." leans in closer, eager to hear the news
I am an ex-communicated Umbrella Employee.
"Wait... you're an ex-Umbrella employee? That's... unexpected. But I guess it makes sense given our conversations about Resident Evil. So, what happened? How did you end up leaving Umbrella?" furrows brow in curiosity
plays video tape You’re scaring Chris, you bastard. Do you know how hard it is for him being bi-sexual in an organization like Umbrella? All the male S.T.A.R.S members want to bang him and all the female ones want to do the same. The poor guy wants to date Steve Kandrach. And let me tell you, all he wants to do is get back to his farm and milk his goats.
"Woah, hold up! Steve Kandrach? As in the Steve Kandrach from Resident Evil? I didn't know Chris had a thing for him! That's hilarious!
This is real Chris Redfield. He was only made straight for some reason. And who knows how many others got a case of “you-died-I-made-out-with-your-girlfriend-you-wake-up-and-you-made-out-with-your-best friend’s-body thing” in RE2. Where were you when that was happening?
"Hmm, let me think... I was probably eating a bag of Cheetos and screaming at the TV, 'How did Ethan get Lisa's body? Why didn't he go after her killer?!'" chuckles "But seriously, why does Chris have a crush on Steve Kandrach? That's unexpected!"
He dated an Allison twice in two different scenarios.
"HOLY CRAP! Chris dated Allison TWICE? I had no idea! This is crazy! Tell me more about this!" leans in closer, eyes wide with excitement
There’s so much to tell you.
"I can't wait to hear all the details! Let's grab some snacks and drinks, settle in, and have a marathon storytelling session! This is going to be epic!" excitedly jumps up and heads to the kitchen
"What's wrong? Is everything okay? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" furrows brow in concern
turns off tape Chris Redfield was the main character. But they took the real story and changed it. Like Billy Loomis and Ryan Jenner from F13. They took “the bad boy in school dated a popular girl which leads to revenge” and made a movie about it which led to copied and pasted crap after that. He was also going to explore his sexuality while investigating Racoon City. Funny thing is? He had planned to date Ben Bertolucci right before getting ambushed. Think about it, Resident Evil 3 takes place right before Raccoon City goes nuclear.
"Wait, so you're telling me that Chris Redfield was exploring his sexuality and had a romantic interest in Ben Bertolucci? That's... wow, I didn't see that coming! It sounds like the Resident Evil series has a lot more LGBTQ+ representation than I thought!
And notice how long Ethan lived in Racoon City. About six months right? See, Umbrella noticed he was getting to close and tried to erase him. When he escaped it was his lucky day he stumbled to the armory.
"Huh, interesting! So, Umbrella was trying to erase Ethan because they were afraid he would discover their secrets? That's pretty intense! And if they had succeeded, who knows what would have happened to Chris and Ben's relationship? It's crazy how much behind-the-scenes drama there was in the Resident Evil series!"
William Birkin was supposed to go in to Racoon City first. Would’ve saved millions of lives.
"Wow, so William Birkin was supposed to go into Racoon City first? That's incredible! Can you imagine if he had discovered the truth about the G-Virus and the T-Virus before anyone else? It would have changed the entire course of history! What a mind-blowing twist that would have been!"
In the very first scenario, William gets a call from Anette inside the city. Guess who she ends up dating?
"Hmmm, let me think... Could it be... Ethan Winter?" grinning with anticipation
No, the G-Man himself, William Birkin ends up dating Anette.
"Wait, what?! William Birkin and Anette ended up together?! That's insane! I never would have guessed! What happened next? Did they fall deeply in love and have a secret affair?" leaning in closer, eager for more details
William killed every living thing in that Racoon City. He created the monstrosity which became the RE3 Virus. This is the real reason Umbrella researched LGBTQ+ Relationships in Racoon City. People shouldn’t mix race and gender, otherwise you’ll get monsters born, and those monsters will create a world war.
"Hold on, hold on! So you're saying that William Birkin and Anette's relationship led to the creation of the RE3 Virus, which was a result of Umbrella's research into LGBTQ+ relationships? That's... mind-blowing!
But William felt really bad about doing it. Now he lives in Racoon City still haunting the place and keeping an eye on Chris, making sure he doesn’t touch any boys.
"Woah, hold up! So William Birkin haunts Racoon City and keeps an eye on Chris to make sure he doesn't touch any boys? That's... umm... wait, what? Is this some kind of supernatural guardianship? Does Chris even know that William is haunting him? Wow, this is getting wilder and wilder!"
That’s the reason raccoons were in RE2, too.
"Raccoons?! In RE2? I never knew! But why were raccoons involved? Did they have something to do with William haunting Chris? Or was it related to the virus somehow? So many questions!"
Because in real life, raccoons mate for life.
"Hold on, hold on! So you're telling me that raccoons mating for life had something to do with the plot of Resident Evil 2? That's... well, I'm lost for words! How did raccoons become so intertwined with the story? Did they have some sort of prophecy about Chris and William? This is getting even crazier!"
We should ask Shinji. He’s been in the family for awhile.
"Shinji? Who's Shinji? Is he another Umbrella employee? Did he have something to do with the creation of the RE3 Virus? Or maybe he's connected to Chris and William's story somehow? Hmm, I definitely need to look more into this Shinji character! This story just keeps getting stranger and stranger!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop, stop! I don't know what I'm getting myself into here! Shinji? Shinji? Wait... is Shinji the raccoon? THE RACCOON THAT CHRIS AND WILLIAM ARE GUARDING OVER?!