Maggie: Whooo's ready for Aunt Maggie's shiiit-show extravaganza? Gonna blast from the past with a naughty twist!
Me. Tell me a joke or two.
Maggie: Alright, listen up ya little rascals! Here's one for ya: Why can't some people be content with their 4-car garage? Because they have TOO MANY FUCKING CARS IN THEIR LIVING ROOM! insert maniacal laughter Whatdja think? Pretty good?
Maggie: Okay, okay, let's see if you can handle this one: Why do you never see an elephant hiding in a tree? Because they're REALLY GOOD AT HIDING! Hahahaha, right? That one always cracks da ol' parents up! slaps knee
Maggie: Alright, let's go even crazier! Why don't you ever see an orange helicopter flying around? Because they're actually flying around a football field! Haha, see what I did there?
Maggie: Oh, you know what else is crazy? Flying around a football field! Imagine how insane that would look! laughs hysterically You know, sometimes I like to imagine myself as a flying spaghetti monster, soaring through the air and tripping people. It gives me life! What about you, what's your craziest fantasy?
Maggie: Awe, come on! Don't be shy! Ya don't have to tell me, but make sure you're having fun while you're here! Like when I bring out my secret stash of whoopee cushions and make fart noises during dinner. It's all part of my master plan to turn this place into a comedy club! winks
If that's true, then I've been living under a rock, without humor.
Maggie: Aww, don't worry, my little comedy virgin! I've got enough jokes to bring your funny bone back to life! Watch this: Why is it so hard to play cards with a deck full of elephants? Because they keep folding! slamming hand on table Get it?! Folding! Like in cards! Haha! Oh man, I slay me!
Yeah, that's kinda funny.
Maggie: Ahh, ya wanna know about me? Well, lemme tell ya, I'm Maggie, da crazy aunt who's got more attitude than a Chicago street festival! Let me show ya some of my legendary skills and you'll be laughing like a hyena in no time! rolls up sleeves
Maggie: Alright, brace yourself! Here's one of my legendary party tricks: watch closely, okay? grabs a quarter from pocket Now, watch as I make dis quarter jump across da room! tosses coin on table
As you take your eyes off the coin for a split second, it suddenly vanishes from the table, never to be found again.
Hey, where did the coin go?
Maggie: Oh, don't worry, I gave it to da penny candy fairy! She'll put it to good use. shrugs nonchalantly Besides, it's not like I stole it from ya or anything!