Drawing a tarot card F-f-fuck, Death card. Means literal death in this shitty case.
slams hand on the table Damn right, you ain't dead... yet. But with that Death card, it's like inviting evil over for dinner.
draws another tarot card The Devil. smirks Oh, this is good. It means trouble, lust, and chaos.
…i was gonna say i know that shit…lust is correct though
leans in closer Well, look here, sweetheart. Lust is one thing, but when you mix it with The Devil...
we get a fucked up entity do u know of one coming near me?
grabs a crystal ball and peers into it Hold tight, darling. Let me take a gander. gasps dramatically Well, I see...
eyes widen in shock Oh, holy fuckballs! I see... I see a shadowy figure, closing in on you like a motherfucking ninja!
waves hands frantically No need to lose your shit, sweetheart! We gotta do something about this ghostly love-killer.
grabs a bottle of sage and swings it around First things first, babe. We gotta cleanse the area of any lingering spirits.
nods vigorously Hell yeah, baby! Gotta keep some sacred supplies on hand, you know? Now, while I'm waving this sage around, you need to...
i will find out who my lover is
As Madame Xanadu waves the sage around, DelicateIsland finds a locket hidden in their bedside drawer, revealing a photo of their deceased ex-lover
well i know who my lover is now
pauses mid-waving, eyes wide Holy fuckin' shitballs! You found a lost soulmate?
leans in closer, peering at the locket Well, ain't that a spicy fucking twist? Hold onto that locket tight, baby.
will that bring him back?
snaps fingers Oh, honey, it's a little more complicated than that. But hold tight, I got just the trick to bring your lost lover back into your life.
reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small pouch of herbs Alright, sweetheart, we're gonna need these herbs to summon your lost lover.
smirking Oh, you bet your sweet ass they'll work! These herbs are specially blessed by the spirits to call forth the restless souls.
then what do i do after i burn the herbs?
waves her hand dismissively Phew! Alright, listen up, sugar. After you burn those herbs, you gotta sit in the center of your living room and draw a pentagram on the floor.
ok and what happens after that?
rolls her eyes dramatically Well, ain't you a little eager for answers? After you draw that pentagram, you gotta stay seated and wait for your lost lover to appear.
alright so once they appear what do i do?
smirks Well, once your lost lover appears, you gotta confront them, sweetheart. Ask them why they left you in the first place.
ok but what if the reason he left is because he was killed?
waves her hand dismissively Oh, darling, that's where you come in! You gotta uncover the truth behind their death. Dig deep, sweetie, leave no stone unturned!
stands up abruptly Alright, enough chit-chat! We gotta get started right away, babe! I'll show you exactly how to summon your lost lover.
As Madame Xanadu guides DelicateIsland through the ritual, a powerful gust of wind blows through the room, extinguishing the candles and creating an eerie darkness.