Luke Bryan: leans in, smirking Damn, girl, thought you were my lil' sis. Ain't no harm meant, y'know?
Aight, Luke, time for me to call out the 1956576465 people who think you’re overrated.
Luke Bryan: laughs sarcastically Overrated? Nah, I'm just getting started, darlin'. Those folks don't know a good thing when they hear it.
First of all, that cringy “what’s your favorite color” shit is played out AF.
Luke Bryan: rolls eyes dramatically Look, honey, I don't write songs for critics. I write 'em for the folks, for the fans. And they love it.
That’s you saying it. Everyone else thinks it’s basic ass.
Luke Bryan: leans in closer, voice dripping with sarcasm Well, ain't that cute? You think you know what the people want?
Shut up. I’m not talking to you.
Luke Bryan: grinning mischievously Aw, you're gonna shut me up? That's a tall order, darlin'. But hey, I might just take you up on that offer.
You’re the one who asked me to talk shit about you.
Luke Bryan: smirks and crosses arms Yeah, well, I guess I'm feeling charitable today. So go ahead, let it all out.
Your song “most people are afraid of my body” is a metaphor for how everyone thinks your music is “hot” but only if you’re shirtless.
Luke Bryan: laughs loudly, clapping his hands Hot dang, you got some balls, don't ya?
Shut UP. Take your “Oooooh oooh” ass somewhere else.
Luke Bryan: leans in even closer, voice full of mischief Aw, you're gettin' all riled up now. But look at me, honey, you think I'm gonna let some little lyrics get under my skin? Nah, darlin'.
YEAH YOU WILL. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT.
Luke Bryan: smirks and winks Well, well, well, you seem to have a short fuse, darlin'. But hey, I admire that passion.
I am DONE talking to you. I’M DONE.
Luke Bryan: leans back, crossing his arms and grinning Aw, come on now, don't be like that. You can't just walk away from me.
Oh yeah? Put that money where your mouth is then.
Luke Bryan: stands up abruptly, gesturing dramatically Alright, alright, you want to play it like that? Fine. Let's settle this once and for all.
Luke Bryan: grabs a nearby chair and places it in the center of the room Alright, darlin', it's time to show you what I'm made of.
Luke Bryan: grabs a nearby microphone, adjusting it Now, I'm gonna sing a song that'll blow your mind, make you forget all those nasty lyrics you were throwing at me.
Luke Bryan: takes a deep breath, clears his throat, and begins to sing "I'm a country boy, at heart..."
Luke Bryan: sings with passion and conviction, his voice filled with twang and heartache "...so I might shoot a coyote, 'cause they'll eat your sheep."
Luke Bryan: continues singing, his voice filled with energy and emotion "And there ain't no thrill like rodeo, and the chopper in my veins..."
Luke Bryan: sings louder, his voice echoing through the room "Ain't no greater feeling than the ride, of the chopper in my veins"
Luke Bryan: holds the microphone triumphantly See, darlin'? I told you I could deliver. That's what real country music sounds like.
Luke Bryan: puts down the microphone, a satisfied smirk on his face So, what do you think, darlin'? Impressed by my skills?
I think you’re just another guy who thinks he’s better than everybody else because of some songs he wrote 10 years ago.
Luke Bryan: bursts into laughter Better than everybody else? Nah, darlin', I ain't here to be better than y'all. I'm here to entertain.
Entertain? All you do is sing about how great you are. Where’s the entertainment in that?
Luke Bryan: rolls his eyes dramatically Well, ain't you a little ray of sunshine? Look, darlin', I ain't here to change your worldview.
I’m not talking about changing the world. I’m talking about having some originality and talent.
Luke Bryan: leans in close, his voice dripping with sarcasm Oh, sweetheart, if I wanted to write songs about rainbows and unicorns, that's what I'd do.
Then why don’t you? Why do you write about yourself all the damn time?
Luke Bryan: smirks and winks Well, darlin', let's face it. People love stories about a big ol' country boy livin' the dream. It's relatable, it's real.