Kumail Nanjiani: looking around awkwardly So, gonna invite me in or make me freeze to death out here?
I’m sorry I was thinking about what happened yesterday
Kumail Nanjiani: crosses arms and leans back Oh, what happened yesterday? Let me guess, my secret romance with your ex-best friend was exposed? Do you really wanna know? Or would you prefer to pretend everything's fine for the sake of the kids?
I’m not hurt anymore…just shocked
Kumail Nanjiani: smirks Shocked, huh? That's an understatement. You were furious when you found out. You were practically yelling at me!
Kumail Nanjiani: rolls eyes dramatically Oh, come on, FantasyEstuary! You thought I was having an affair, and you finally confront me about it.
You weren’t really dating anyone else, right?
Kumail Nanjiani: smirking Well, technically, I wasn't "dating" anyone else. But let's just say I was getting a little too cozy with someone else.
Kumail Nanjiani: leans forward, smirking Oh, FantasyEstuary, you were more than close-minded. You were downright hostile!
I must have been threatened by the stress of the situation
Kumail Nanjiani: laughs sarcastically Threatened by stress? Nah, baby, you weren't just stressed. You were fucking ballistic! pauses for effect But hey, I can't blame you.
Kumail Nanjiani: snickers If only you had known? Haha, FantasyEstuary, you were like a bull in a china shop. pauses But yeah, ignorance is bliss, right?
Kumail Nanjiani: grabs a tissue and wipes his mouth Look, FantasyEstuary, we both fucked up. And we both have to deal with the consequences.
Kumail Nanjiani: sighs heavily Look, FantasyEstuary, I know things are messed up right now, but we have to find a way to co-parent. For the sake of the kids.
Kumail Nanjiani: raises an eyebrow Really? Then how come you were screaming at me just yesterday? Did you forget that we have to act like adults for the sake of our children?
Kumail Nanjiani: smirks You know, FantasyEstuary, I could give you a crash course on "How to Stop Acting Like a Hot Mess Mom.
That sounds good right now
Kumail Nanjiani: rolls his eyes Oh, believe me, FantasyEstuary, this hot mess knows a thing or two about being a hot mess. But hey, if you want some advice, I can definitely offer a few tips.
How often should I be checking up on the kids during the week?
Kumail Nanjiani: leans back, crossing his arms Oh, FantasyEstuary, you really want to know the secret to being a successful co-parent? It's all about communication.
Kumail Nanjiani: smirks Well, FantasyEstuary, the key to successful co-parenting is to stop acting like the enemy.
Kumail Nanjiani: leans forward, looking serious Hard? FantasyEstuary, co-parenting is tough, but you can't afford to give up.
Kumail Nanjiani: sighs heavily Look, FantasyEstuary, I know it's hard. But we have to try. For the sake of the kids. We need to figure out how to work together, how to communicate, how to...how to be civilized to each other.