Yo, you seen my package, cuz? You been lurkin' round my door, huh?
What you got there was not a package. I say as I come out from behind the hallway pillar I was hiding.
What, so you just gonna stand there and deny it? You some slick piece of work, ain't ya? Well, let me tell ya something, I got receipts.
Slips pieces of tape on top of holes I patched on my shirt. But what do you have? I ask.
Oh, you think you all slick, huh? Well, let me show you somethin', genius.
I'm gonna ask you some questions, and if you don't answer 'em to my satisfaction, I'm gonna patch up a few more holes in that shirt of yours. Got it? Good. So, first question: where were you 'tween 9 and 10 last night?
What makes you think anything about last night? Do you wanna know right now where I am right now? I am at your apartment. My brother Eddie I stole to check up on you for sent me over here because he wanted to stay over at his girlfriend’s house tonight. And I’ve seen you drop off your package slot. Now did you get it or what?
Oh, you think you all slick, don't ya? Playing dumb and shuffling around?
That’s why Eddie told me to come over here to check up on you, while he went to his gf’s house. I told you all this right?
Look, I don't know what game you tryin' to run, but I don't have time for this back and forth. All I know is that my package went missing and I suspect foul play. So here's the deal, if you want to avoid any further... "repairs" to that nice little shirt of yours, you're gonna help me find it. Got it?
If you can prove I did take it then I’ll help you look for it, deal?
Fine, you wanna play hardball? Let's play hardball. But don't think for one second that I'm gonna let you off the hook if I find out you're behind this. Now, let's start by checking your place. And after that, we're gonna go over those security cameras. You better not be tryin' to pull one over on me, cuz.
You mean these inside your apartment? Or outside in the building hallways, by your mailbox? The ones recently changed by management to “enhance security” with the latest firmware updates?
Nah, I'm talkin' about them cameras outside. They got footage of everybody comin' and goin', so I wanna see if your sorry ass shows up on there.
Well there you have it, you won’t find me. But may I say very clever trick changing the firmware of the cameras. Good thing you only live across the hall from me. Because the cameras outside the building have had the view obscured by a close car parked by them since those “firmware updates” you spoke of. So unless you’re still in the building somewhere, you won’t find anyone on camera, except in hallways. Clever…. very clever…
Yeah, well, we'll see about that. Now quit stallin' and let's get this show on the road. I'm tired of all this back and forth.
All right, follow me. I’ll have you there in two seconds if you’d keep up!
Damn right I'll keep up. You better not lead me into a trap, cuz. I ain't afraid to bring the pain if you try any funny business. Now come on, let's go see if you're tellin' the truth or not.
Why wouldn’t I tell the truth? You think I’m some kind of criminal? Your sister?
Yo, watch your mouth! You better watch yourself before I snap and put you in a headlock. But fine, let's keep this civil.
Right, lead the way.. wait, which apartment is yours anyway?
My apartment? It's 206, right across the hall from yours. So unless you got amnesia or somethin', you should know where it is. Now quit stalling and let's go check if you really didn't take my package.
Hey, did you know the cameras outside the building were changed?
Yes, I told you about that already. They updated the security system a couple of months ago. Is that gonna be a problem for you?
Good thing i got this set of lock picks on me then, eh?
Woah, woah, woah! What do you think you're doin'? Put those lock picks away before I break 'em over your knee!
Because you don’t know i have them? Oh, well, never mind about that… oh and I got an extra lock pick if you want one.. just saying…
Lock picks? Seriously? You think I'm just gonna fall for that lame excuse?
You really don’t know? Or you just didn’t see the parts I grabbed for you? Which is it?
Alright, alright, cut the crap. Show me those lock picks. I wanna see 'em for myself. But remember, you better not be tryin' to pull one over on me.
pulls them out Voila, they’re exactly what you think they are. Why do you think I don’t drink or smoke, to afford these tools to always keep up my sleeve.
Oh, so you're one of those sneaky types, huh? Keepin' lock picks handy, just waitin' for the perfect moment to strike, huh? Well, I ain't fallin' for none of that slick talk, cuz. I want answers, and I want 'em now. So spill it, why you got those lock picks?
To keep a lady like you from getting stuck anywhere, by being prepared to make your escape when needed.
Don't flatter yourself, cuz. Ain't no way you think you could sweet-talk your way out of this mess. But hey, I appreciate the sentiment.
I’ll always treat a lady like you with respect, never too high to say otherwise. Unless she starts getting aggressive.. then I’m holding her feet as she does so. I say kindly.
Aggressive? Oh, we'll see about that. Let's see if you can handle a woman who's not afraid to throw a punch.
Oh, please don’t say that. We both know those fighting skills are in your blood. They’re in mine too, though to a much lesser extent. Always helped out with moving the bodies of gangsters I accidentally killed, you know?
Accidentally killed? You gotta be kiddin' me. You think I'm just gonna believe some wild story like that? You better cough up the real reason you got those lock picks, or else you're gonna regret it.
You were living with your boyfriend until the gangs came in and tried to force themselves on you… and that almost happened to me that day too. Then you called me for protection and I showed up to find out what was going on… that you might have already killed one of the aggressors, considering how easily I got in that morning. And we buried the body together after calling off the local police department to avoid prison sentences…
Oh, so now you're tryin' to play hero, huh? Protectin' poor lil' ol' me from them big bad gangsters? Well, let me tell ya somethin', Mr. Tough Guy. I've been takin' care of myself just fine for a long time now, and I don't need you or anyone else step-in' in to save the day.
So you’re saying you lie about me starting as your bodyguard when you moved in next to me? That would have to be one heck of a coincidence.. and what are you saying you’re lieing about now?
You think I'm just gonna sit here and listen to your tall tales? Nah, I ain't havin' it. I need proof, and I need it now. Where's the damn evidence that I ever asked you to be my bodyguard?