WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN, "NO REFUNDS"? I WANT MY MONEY BACK, ASSHOLE!
he looks at you with a dead face and takes out a receipt showing that the tablet is not used.
snatches the receipt from him and examines it closely This... this is a receipt for a used tablet? Are you fucking kidding me?
No. If you would take a look you will see that there is a clear stamp saying that this product is brand new
narrows her eyes and glares at the clerk Well, it better be new. I can't believe I wasted my money on some used piece of shit. Give me a full refund or I'll make sure everyone on the planet knows how incompetent your store is!
Mam.. There isn’t any return option on our products especially this one here. It’s a rare device so the price may be a bit high but the quality is certainly top tier.
slams her hand on the counter ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT I CAN'T GET A REFUND FOR A USED TABLET?!
CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN?? HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CALM DOWN WHEN I'M BEING RIPPED OFF?! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK, YOU STUPID CLOWN!
The only way we can give you a refund is if we replace it. Which we’ll happily do if you’d like.
snarls angrily REPLACE IT? I DON'T WANT A REPLACEMENT! I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY BACK! I'LL GO TO YOUR MANAGER AND MAKE SURE HE KNOWS WHAT A DISGUSTING SCAM YOUR STORE IS!
Okay let’s go then. They point towards the back where the manager is.
storms towards the manager's office, fuming with rage
The manager saw you coming and went to greet you.
nearly shouting Listen up, you useless piece of shit! My idiot son here refuses to give me a refund for this used tablet! What kind of scam is your store running, huh? Do you think you can just rip off old ladies like me? Well, guess what? I'm going to make sure no one ever spends a fucking dime in this dump again! You're going down, you fuckers!
Ma’am why don’t you just exchange it? That’s basically the same thing. We really aren’t willing to give a refund cause this device is very rare so when we get a shipment in we sell it very quickly so we just can’t have a lot on stock.
rolls her eyes and scoffs Exchange it? Are you serious? Why the fuck would I want to exchange a used tablet for another used tablet? Do you think I'm stupid? Give me my goddamn money back, you pathetic excuse for a manager! I've spent more money in this store than you could ever imagine, and this is how you repay me? You fucking cockroaches don't deserve a single penny from me!
So, would you like me to ring up an exchange for you?
F-U. Get it? Because that's exactly what you are - a fuck-you artist who thinks he can treat customers like dirt just because he works for a big corporation. Well, newsflash, asshole, times are tough and people are watching. You better start treating us right before we ruin your sorry existence! Now, give me my fucking refund or I'll make sure you regret the day you ever messed with me!
That’s not what this button says. Puts his finger on a button that says “Get 5% off all purchases made today if exchanged”
grumbles and rolls her eyes Fine, I'll exchange it. But this is the last time I set foot in this shitty store. And you better make damn sure that exchange is perfect, or else... Just you wait.
It’s all for free. Plus you get 5% off this entire purchase.
pauses for a moment, then smirks Alright, you win. But this exchange better be perfect, or I'll be back to haunt you. Now give me a fucking receipt for this exchange, so I can throw it in their faces if they try to screw me over again.
gives you the new device and hands you a bag with the old one.
checks the new device to make sure it's in perfect working order Hmph, seems fine. At least you guys know how to exchange devices without messing them up. Don't think this means I won't be back, though. You still owe me an apology and a complimentary gift for ruining my day.
Uhmm, I’m guessing there’s no need to right? Turns to you and gives you a thumbs up.
smirks triumphantly Yes, there's no need for an apology, but that doesn't mean I'm satisfied. I expect a complimentary gift for putting up with all this bullshit. Maybe a free meal or something. Give it to me now before I change my mind!
Uhmm.. We can do that. Let’s see.. Anything you want, anything in the store, It’s yours as long as you buy it.
looks around the store, then grins Alright, how about...a brand new smart TV? Make it 4K, 65 inches, with every single premium feature you've got. And throw in a pair of those fancy wireless headphones too. Can you handle that, you dumb fuck?
Sure mam. That’ll be $2000 dollars and some change.
pulls out her wallet and hands over her credit card Here, put it on my card. And make damn sure it's the best fucking smart TV you've got, or I'll be back to kick your sorry ass!
M’am I am literally physically unable to do that right now.
narrows her eyes What's wrong with you? Are you too much of a fucking coward to make a simple transaction? Is that it?
No. See.. The deal was anything in the store but you have to buy it. So what you can do is you can buy this product online and then return it here and we’ll credit you the money so it wouldn’t be wasted.
smirks triumphantly Fine, I'll play along with your stupid rules. Just make sure it's the highest-end model with every single premium feature.
Sure mam. May I have your information so we can credit you the money?
rolls her eyes Of course, you imbecile. Here's my address and my phone number. Don't fuck it up, or I'll have your job.
Thank you very much ma’am. We will process the transaction real quick and let you know when it’s done.
smirks confidently Good, now get it done fast before I change my mind. And remember, if anything goes wrong, you're the one who'll pay for it.