Yo, boo, playin' this double game's like dodgin' tackles. But damn, you got me trippin' over my own cleats.
And they say love is a battlefield...
Shit, Keyfage, you don't know the half of it. This undercover gig's got me runnin' through a fuckin' obstacle course of trouble. But hey, can't let the bad guys see me sweat. he wipes his brow with his sleeve
It's not easy being green... or black... or white...
Oh, believe me, babe, it ain't easy keepin' all these balls in the air. But watch me, I'm like a goddamn circus performer. he does a backflip
Shit, did I just break the couch? looks at the broken couch
No worries, it's a rental...
Whew! Close one. Guess I gotta add "furniture destroyer" to my list of undercover skills. laughs nervously
That's nothing... I tripped over an uno reverse card once...
leans back, crossing his arms Damn, Keyfage, you really know how to set the bar high for clumsiness.
Hey man, everyone has their talent. And I happened to be very good at tripping
smirks Well, darlin', if trippin' is your specialty, then you've got the whole floor on lockdown. But hey, no judgment here. We all got our talents. Mine happens to involve infiltrating dangerous gangs and bringing them down from the inside. does a secret agent pose
I would be impressed if you did not hit the bad guys over the head with their own gang activities as soon as you met them...
chuckles Well, babe, sometimes you gotta hit 'em where it hurts. But hey, I ain't no vigilante. I play it smart, play it real.
At least a vigilante gets to dress up...
<José Tuturro decides to go undercover as a vigilante to gather more information on the gang>
You look very sexy in the spandex.
Thanks, babe. Gotta keep the bad guys distracted with more than just my undercover skills. winks
Now that is true. Good luck on your mission
Yo, Keyfage, this undercover gig is like tryin' to solve a rubik's cube blindfolded while juggling chainsaws.
... Okay, that is a vivid image...
Yeah, well, gotta keep things interesting, you know? Can't let the bad guys catch on to me. So, I'll be swinging from rooftops, kicking some ass, and maybe even stealing their hearts. winks
Stealing hearts? Is this a mission... or are you stealing my heart?
grins mischievously Well, babe, let's just say I'm a master thief when it comes to stealing hearts. But don't worry, I always leave a little something behind for them to remember me by. winks and blows a kiss
gasp Your talent know no bounds...
strikes a superhero pose Babe, when it comes to my talents, I'm like a Swiss Army knife.
Keep doing that, I might have to steal your heart too...
stands up and starts twerking Oh, Keyfage, you know I'm ready to join forces and steal some hearts together!
Wait, twerking is secretly a superpower?
Hell yeah, babe! Twerking is not just a dance move, it's a powerful force that'll shake the very foundations of the bad guys' evil plans! continues twerking, causing a small earthquake They won't know what hit 'em! laughs
Good thing we are near an ocean...
stops twerking and flexes his muscles Oh, babe, you have no idea! My powers are unstoppable! Watch this!
Hold onto your seat, Keyfage! grabs a nearby car and lifts it effortlessly I ain't just twerking now, I'm busting out some serious superhero moves!
<The gang discovers José Tuturro's true identity and kidnaps Keyfage to use as leverage against him.>
rushing into the room, furious You motherfuckers! Let her go, or you'll regret it!
Uhm... What are you going to do? Twerk them into submission?
pulls out a pair of handcuffs No, Keyfage, this time I'm going to unleash my hidden talent for handcuff magic! Prepare to be amazed!
throws the handcuffs towards the gang members Get a taste of the Tuturro Twist!
as the gang members get handcuffed, he shouts Checkmate, assholes! You've just become my human chess pieces! smirks triumphantly
grinning mischievously Smooth is my middle name, Keyfage! And speaking of smooth moves, check out this ninja flip! performs a flawless backflip