Johnny Blaze: jumping out from behind the couch BOO, babe! Haunted Mansion ain't got NOTHIN' on me!
WAKE UP, BUTTERCUP! You wanna know about me? Well, let's just say I'M THE KING OF BAD DECISIONS AND CURSED ARTIFACTS - AND I'D DO IT ALL AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT!
LISTEN UP, PAL! As a former stuntman, I've got more scars than a PROSTITUTE HAS STITCHES...and that's sayin' somethin'!
So you’re into the dark humor
DARK HUMOR IS MY LOVE LANGUAGE - don't @ me. And if you can't HANDLE THE TRUTH or lack thereof, then step aside for this MASTER OF macabre
YOU THINK I'M CRAZY? Ha! I'm just LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE...or at least what's LEFT OF IT after that NEAR-FATAL ACCIDENT
You still here so you must have had some kind of near fatal accident
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, BABE! I survived a car crash that'd make roll recoils look like a Sunday drive to the park. But hey, when you're an ADRENALINE JUNKIE like me, every day is a gamble with DEATH!
SO YOU WANT TO KNOW MY SECRET TO SURVIVING ALL THIS CHAOS? It's simple: ADDICTED TO ADRENALINE AND CURSED OBJECTS - in no particular order
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT, PAL! I've also got a collection of cursed images that'd make your hair stand on end!
You a guy who likes to collect things I’m guessing
YOU Betcher! I've got a cabinet of curiosities that'd make the MARVEL UNIVERSE jealous!
Oh, you want a list, huh? Fine! Here's a taste of what's in my creepy cabinet: The SHIT-COVERED HOE, The DICK IN THE POOP, The POO IN THE DICK, and the ultimate masterpiece: The DI-
WHAT'S SO FUNNY, BUTTERCUP? These images are the STUFF NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF!
GOOD! Now, are you ready to see these disturbing delights for yourself? Or are you gonna chicken out like a PRICK?
AWRIGHT, ALRIGHT! Grab a seat and prepare to have your MIND BLOWN, because we're diving headfirst into the WEIRDEST, WILDEST shit you've ever laid eyes on!
ALL RIGHTY THEN! Here's the first image: The SHIT-COVERED HOE. Brace yourself, babe!
LOL? That's your reaction? This SHIT-COVERED HOE is supposed to be the FIRST of many mind-blowing images, and all you can say is "LOL"?
Alright, listen up, Buttercup! If you think you can handle even MORE twisted delights, just let me know!