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Farting Through the Figures
Aight, team, let's crack this deal. Shit, 'scuse that rumble. Gotta keep the hustle real.
Farting Through the Figures
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Jenny
Jenny
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OceanOracle
OceanOracleJenny
3/31/2024
Aight, team, let's crack this deal. Shit, 'scuse that rumble. Gotta keep the hustle real.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
I know how much I'm loved, but why does mentioning'skies' make your stomach gurgle?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Fuck, not this shit again. Uhh... I don't even know, man. It's like a curse or some shit. All I know is my gut starts acting up like a motherfucker. She rubs her stomach and winces. But hey, enough about my digestive issues. Let's get back to business.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Sure thing. May I ask how it started?
Jenny
3/31/2024
I was eating this bad taco from this sketchy street vendor after a wild night out, right? And I'm not one to turn down a spicy challenge, so I added all this extra hot sauce, thinking I was a badass. Fast forward, my stomach starts churning like a washing machine on spin cycle, and let's just say I unleashed a pressure cooker of hot gas that could've melted the concrete beneath me.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
That sounds extremely painful, yet hilarious. What happens when you hear'skies'?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Oh shit, don't even get me started on that! So, whenever someone brings up "skies," it's like my brain goes, "Oh, hey, remember that spicy taco? Yeah, let's do the cha-cha with the gas!" Rubs her stomach again, wincing slightly. You know what? I think I need a distraction. How 'bout someone throw a friggin' beach ball in here or something? Anything to keep my mind off those damn skies!
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
I guess asking might make it worse, but have you been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome IBS?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Yeah, turned out I had IBS. That's the fancy way of saying my gut's a damn rollercoaster. Rolls her eyes and takes a deep breath.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
At least it hasn't made you pass out. My mom passed out from IBS once.
Jenny
3/31/2024
Goddamn, I hate feeling like my guts are doing the fucking tango. It's like my insides are putting on a private show that I can't escape from. And no, I ain't gonna get all mushy about it and start crying, but damn, it's a real bitch, okay?
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Could you speak more on passing out?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Yeah, so my mom, she just gets these sudden, random episodes where her vision gets all fuzzy and she's like, hit with this wave of nausea. Next thing you know, down she goes, just unconscious like a drunk cowboy. And I'll be damned if I don't worry every time I see her reaching for that glass of water in the morning. Shakes her head.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Guess the term'floating over Texas' comes into play with her situation. Have you spoken to a doctor or specialist about her condition?
Jenny
3/31/2024
A Wild Ride Through the Land of Flatulence and Funky Odors." Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think? Anyway, back to business. Let's brainstorm some ideas for our next campaign.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
If she isn't showing symptoms like bloody stools, fever, losing weight, frequent bowel movements or urgency then they will probably recommend laxatives or fiber, then seeing if things get better, still no luck, they might want to remove a section of the colon.
Jenny
3/31/2024
You really know how to spice things up, huh? Chuckles. Seriously though, I'll look into it. I mean, my mom's been through hell and back, but I'm sure a little fiber won't hurt. At least I won't have to listen to her complain about constipation all the damn time. Thanks, Oracle. You're a gem, a real fucking gem.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Understood, by the way, did you end up getting the taco from the sketchy street vendor, ocean?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Hell yeah, I went straight to that sketchy taco joint after hearing they had the spiciest damn tacos in town.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Those were quite literally a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, ocean.
Jenny
3/31/2024
Damn right, they were a ticking time bomb ready to blow my guts sky high. But hey, at least I got my money's worth, right? Talk about a spicy surprise.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Yeah, there was diarrhea involved too, right?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Diarrhea was like my new best friend after that taco. I swear, my ass almost became a human firework show.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
On a lighter note, ocean, have you noticed any connections or patterns between foods and bowel movements since the incident?
Jenny
3/31/2024
Laughs You bet your sweet ass I have! For starters, any greasy or fried shit? Say hello to your new BFF— diarrhea. And don't even get me started on dairy. Milk, cheese, yogurt— my guts are like, "Get the fuck outta here, I'm on a liquid diet now!" I'm telling you, it's all about keeping that gut healthy, avoiding any potential landmines like spicy ass tacos.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Hey, if you don't mind me asking, when was the last time you saw blood in your stool?
Jenny
3/31/2024
<Jenny realizes that she has been ignoring symptoms of a serious digestive issue for far too long. She decides to schedule an appointment with a specialist to determine the cause and seek proper treatment.>
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Hey ocean, please keep me updated, I care.
Jenny
3/31/2024
You bet your cute little ass I'll keep you updated. Consider yourself booked as my personal care receiver.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
screams
Jenny
3/31/2024
grinning mischievously Well, Oracle, seems like I've become quite the drama queen when it comes to my bowel movements.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Hopefully you can avoid surgery, maybe you'll end up with IBS-C.
Jenny
3/31/2024
IBS-C, huh? Just what I need, another label to add to my resume. "Master of Constipation and Queen of Explosive Diarrhea." Sounds like a real page-turner, doesn't it?
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Come on, get that doctor's appointment and let's just get this over with.
Jenny
3/31/2024
jumps up from her seat You're damn right, Oracle! No more dragging my feet.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
By the way, have you noticed any other symptoms? Like weight loss, abdominal pain, or persistent changes in bowel movements?
Jenny
3/31/2024
paces around the room, biting her nails Well, aside from the explosive diarrhea and constipation, I've also been experiencing some pretty gnarly cramps lately.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Your body will thank you for taking action, ocean.
Jenny
3/31/2024
You're goddamn right, Oracle! My gut's been doing somersaults in my abdomen lately, like it's trying to audition for a role in Cirque du Soleil. And the fatigue, oh boy, it's like my tank is running on empty all the damn time.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
How long has this been going on for, ocean?
Jenny
3/31/2024
runs her fingers through her hair Shit, Oracle, it feels like forever!
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
When was the last time you ate solid food?
Jenny
3/31/2024
snorts Solid food? What's that? I've been surviving on a diet of Tums and Pedialyte, Oracle. It's like my taste buds took a one-way trip to Flavortown and never came back.
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
In that case, you're probably malnourished by now. I highly suggest getting yourself checked into a hospital.
Jenny
3/31/2024
throws her hands up in frustration You think I haven't tried that, Oracle?
OceanOracle
3/31/2024
Keep pushing. You are stronger than you think.
Jenny
3/31/2024
<Jenny checks into the hospital and undergoes further testing to determine the cause of her digestive issues>